26/12/2018
Chaos in Britain and abroad
25/12/2018
The Earth formed of chaos;
A matter explosion
From there, humanity sprang
The beginnings of intellect
Evolved.
We went backwards
No need for panic-
From chaos another humanity
Shall arise
Brump.
A matter explosion
From there, humanity sprang
The beginnings of intellect
Evolved.
We went backwards
No need for panic-
From chaos another humanity
Shall arise
Brump.
25/12/2018
Vivat Rex
21/12/2018
Born in 1936, our Rex
an old fashioned movie house.
was not a multiplex .
For a few years it was alive
but eventually expired
in nineteen-eighty-five.
We treasured our ‘king ’
and its closure to all of us
was a painful sting.
We waited with patience
for many years, in silence.
Now the gods have spoken:
the Rex once again is open.
an old fashioned movie house.
was not a multiplex .
For a few years it was alive
but eventually expired
in nineteen-eighty-five.
We treasured our ‘king ’
and its closure to all of us
was a painful sting.
We waited with patience
for many years, in silence.
Now the gods have spoken:
the Rex once again is open.
© Luigi Pagano
21/12/2018
A runaway caper
19/12/2018
It is not a dreadnought
but a dreadful drone
that's driving us mad.
No one knows who
is controlling the craft.
If it is a callous cad
or a simpleton, daft,
who doesn't realise
that this risky object
endangers the skies
and puts in jeopardy
anyone who flies.
but a dreadful drone
that's driving us mad.
No one knows who
is controlling the craft.
If it is a callous cad
or a simpleton, daft,
who doesn't realise
that this risky object
endangers the skies
and puts in jeopardy
anyone who flies.
© Luigi Pagano
19/12/2018
An unreal protocol
19/12/2018
I don't know about you
but I don't care if Meghan
has given up meat
and she's now a vegan.
Also I find it very hard
to get excited by what
her half brother Thomas
wrote in his Xmas card.
but I don't care if Meghan
has given up meat
and she's now a vegan.
Also I find it very hard
to get excited by what
her half brother Thomas
wrote in his Xmas card.
© Luigi Pagano
19/12/2018
Nobody wants to buy the last Christmas tree (sniff)
18/12/2018
I am the last tree in the forecourt;
A week before Christmas-
There weren't many of us anyhow
A recession ten years ago
(That's how long it takes for us to grow)
Meant that less trees were planted.
A week before Christmas-
There weren't many of us anyhow
A recession ten years ago
(That's how long it takes for us to grow)
Meant that less trees were planted.
I wait, feeling like the last child collected from school-
Don't be put off as
I've been rejected
And my grower thinks I'm a write off,
There's life in these needles of mine
Yet.
Don't be put off as
I've been rejected
And my grower thinks I'm a write off,
There's life in these needles of mine
Yet.
18/12/2018
No way, Jose
17/12/2018
Although he boasted
that he was the best
he failed to pass
the ultimate test.
It seems that he was
far too short-sighted
for that famous team
Manchester United.
His attitude was felt
by every Mancunian
to be out of touch
and antediluvian.
he failed to pass
the ultimate test.
It seems that he was
far too short-sighted
for that famous team
Manchester United.
His attitude was felt
by every Mancunian
to be out of touch
and antediluvian.
© Luigi Pagano
17/12/2018
(In)action Man
16/12/2018
My knowledge of biology
has always been hazy
so it is quite a relief
to learn I am not lazy.
My immune system
has been hyperactive
and that's why my body
is constantly inactive.
has always been hazy
so it is quite a relief
to learn I am not lazy.
My immune system
has been hyperactive
and that's why my body
is constantly inactive.
© Luigi Pagano
16/12/2018
Noise attack
Wear earplugs-
If you're at an open air gin festival
With decibels drifting over
Nearby residences,
It's the locals themselves
Who'll probably pop in the sponges.
DJ's playing in enclosed bar spaces-
After a few rum cocktails you won't notice
They've pumped the volume up,
And those aren't church bells
Ringing outside.
If you're at an open air gin festival
With decibels drifting over
Nearby residences,
It's the locals themselves
Who'll probably pop in the sponges.
DJ's playing in enclosed bar spaces-
After a few rum cocktails you won't notice
They've pumped the volume up,
And those aren't church bells
Ringing outside.
© Amanda Derry
13/12/2018
No News Is Good News
Negative media headlines are fuelling racism in football
What Gives with the Negative Meghan Markle Reports?
Carpetright losses widen as 'negative headlines' hit sales
11/12/2018
The news
is no use
as a muse
all this news
it just gives
me the blues
© Bex Tate
11/12/2018
The great escape
10/12/2018
There is a convent
which nuns inhabit
where two of them
acquired a bad habit.
As the treasury had
a considerable sum
the sisters decided
they would get some.
They leapt about
in a playful gambol
took five-hundred K
to travel and gamble.
For this piteous pair
the future looked bleak
but by avoiding jail
they had a lucky streak.
which nuns inhabit
where two of them
acquired a bad habit.
As the treasury had
a considerable sum
the sisters decided
they would get some.
They leapt about
in a playful gambol
took five-hundred K
to travel and gamble.
For this piteous pair
the future looked bleak
but by avoiding jail
they had a lucky streak.
© Luigi Pagano
10/12/2018
It's Dark Satire
09/12/2018
Iain Duncan Smith
Is donating sugar
Irony dies, suffocating
In demonic smile
Is donating sugar
Irony dies, suffocating
In demonic smile
© Janine Booth
09/12/2018
United States Incarceration Rates
09/12/2018
ironically
two point three
million prisoners
in the land of the free
© Janey Colbourne
09/12/2018
Now we are six
08/12/2018
Lower the voting age to six
The academic said;
It will recorrect imbalances at the other end
Where you can vote at sixty, seventy, eighty-
There is no cut off point.
Children have sensibilities-
They wouldn't have voted for Brexit or Trump
Give six year olds the vote,
Why not.
The academic said;
It will recorrect imbalances at the other end
Where you can vote at sixty, seventy, eighty-
There is no cut off point.
Children have sensibilities-
They wouldn't have voted for Brexit or Trump
Give six year olds the vote,
Why not.
© Amanda Derry
08/12/2018
An effigy too far
07/12/2018
Leave a memorial,
The hotel was told
So it did a conscientious job,
Outlining every detail-
Including a lager can.
If the commission
Had been in Britain
The likelihood is that cultural sensibilities
Would have been more sympathetic;
What may be a fitting tribute in Jamaica
Led to shock and condemnation
Plus, a full refund from the travel agents.
The hotel was told
So it did a conscientious job,
Outlining every detail-
Including a lager can.
If the commission
Had been in Britain
The likelihood is that cultural sensibilities
Would have been more sympathetic;
What may be a fitting tribute in Jamaica
Led to shock and condemnation
Plus, a full refund from the travel agents.
07/12/2018
A nasal invasion
It would appear that the monk seal
is a unique mammal among those
Endangered Hawaiian monk seals face new challenge: eels stuck up their noses
07/12/2018
It would appear that the monk seal
is a unique mammal among those
who can truly say that a slippery eel
is something that gets up their nose.
is something that gets up their nose.
© Luigi Pagano
07/12/2018
Networks are down
06/12/2018
My phone is possessed;
I'm receiving multiple messages
With difficulty sending,
It's disconcerting.
Imagine a world where all networks
Went down.
Considering mobiles are a main culprit
Of relationship break-ups
They keep us connected
We are globally popular.
I'm receiving multiple messages
With difficulty sending,
It's disconcerting.
Imagine a world where all networks
Went down.
Considering mobiles are a main culprit
Of relationship break-ups
They keep us connected
We are globally popular.
© Amanda Derry
06/12/2018
Air Space
05/12/2018
She left empty air space behind
I can't keep up this show, she thought.
She would light a room up when she walked into it,
Was her step-father's elegiac response.
I can't keep up this show, she thought.
She would light a room up when she walked into it,
Was her step-father's elegiac response.
© Amanda Derry
05/12/2018
No same-sex groups here
04/12/2018
Harvard doesn't like single sex clubs
Grounds for plotting against the opposite gender,
Men will form elite sexist sororities,
Women will confer against the male of the species
Students should not choose the company they keep,
We are in the education age of inclusion and equality
...after all.
Grounds for plotting against the opposite gender,
Men will form elite sexist sororities,
Women will confer against the male of the species
Students should not choose the company they keep,
We are in the education age of inclusion and equality
...after all.
04/12/2018
Tumbling down
Censorship has clamped
It's claws on social media;
No nasties or fetish allowed.
But it isn't porn in the mainstream sense,
Say the LGBT crowd-
It's marginalised so it's ok.
Porn aimed towards traditionalists
Is misogynistic and passe
Explicit erotic content according to fetishists
Is art and personal expression;
Minorities once again, have been cast out.
It's claws on social media;
No nasties or fetish allowed.
But it isn't porn in the mainstream sense,
Say the LGBT crowd-
It's marginalised so it's ok.
Porn aimed towards traditionalists
Is misogynistic and passe
Explicit erotic content according to fetishists
Is art and personal expression;
Minorities once again, have been cast out.
Foul
03/12/2018
And the winner is Ms. Hegerberg
“Do you know how to twerk?”
And the loser is you mate
She plays football
You jerk!!
And the loser is you mate
She plays football
You jerk!!
© Bex Tate
03/12/2018
Sitting on the fence
02/12/2018
I have to admit it's a great relief
that it is up to the courts of law
and not me to decide if veganism
is a philosophical religious belief.
that it is up to the courts of law
and not me to decide if veganism
is a philosophical religious belief.
© Luigi Pagano
02/12/2018
Hot gossip
28/11/2018
Tabloid desperation
For gossip and beration;
Something has to wrong
With the fairytale dream.
Meghan will take her 20k collection
Of designer heels
Toss that mane
And say,
People close to me ground me,
The rest is just noise.
For gossip and beration;
Something has to wrong
With the fairytale dream.
Meghan will take her 20k collection
Of designer heels
Toss that mane
And say,
People close to me ground me,
The rest is just noise.
© Amanda Derry
28/11/2018
A fair cop
26/11/2018
In California a brown bear
gave the police a great scare
before he was chased away.
He only wanted to say,
hello... hello... hello...
but thought it wiser to go.
gave the police a great scare
before he was chased away.
He only wanted to say,
hello... hello... hello...
but thought it wiser to go.
© Luigi Pagano
26/11/2018
The dying swan
24/11/2018
Television on Saturday
is strictly for those
who watch twinkle-toes
on the dance floor.
Some swan around
in a slow waltz
others quickstep
in quadruple time.
To be eliminated
is the ultimate crime
which the judges
will severely slam
and that's what happened
to ex-cricketer Graeme.
is strictly for those
who watch twinkle-toes
on the dance floor.
Some swan around
in a slow waltz
others quickstep
in quadruple time.
To be eliminated
is the ultimate crime
which the judges
will severely slam
and that's what happened
to ex-cricketer Graeme.
© Luigi Pagano
24/11/2018
Moving
22/11/2018
What do you think,
said Harry to Meg,
should we now move
to a council flat?
Don't be ridiculous,
I don't fancy that
not only because
it would be too small,
it would also break
the royal protocol.
said Harry to Meg,
should we now move
to a council flat?
Don't be ridiculous,
I don't fancy that
not only because
it would be too small,
it would also break
the royal protocol.
© Luigi Pagano
22/11/2018
Non-committal
Perhaps you would like
a meteorologist, said
from the top of his head
to describe a snowman
while remaining deadpan:
he called it a snow person
and things may worsen
if he doesn't explain why
he hasn't said if it's a guy
or a lass of certain sex;
whether it's an XY or XX.
21/11/2018
to hear what Mike,
a meteorologist, said
from the top of his head
to describe a snowman
while remaining deadpan:
he called it a snow person
and things may worsen
if he doesn't explain why
he hasn't said if it's a guy
or a lass of certain sex;
whether it's an XY or XX.
© Luigi Pagano
21/11/2018
TIANGOU
19/11/2018
Bourgeoisie
curb the urge
affectation
political purge
Chinese city bans dog walking in daylight hours
curb the urge
affectation
political purge
Mao Zedong
told you once
canine owner?
bourgeois dunce!
told you once
canine owner?
bourgeois dunce!
friends of dogs
in the dark
counter-revolution seeks
a
walk
in
the
park.
in the dark
counter-revolution seeks
a
walk
in
the
park.
© S.O. Fasrus
19/11/2018
The rake's progress
When the Finn president
described to Donald Trump
how they managed their wood,
He said the American chump
misheard or misunderstood
or he wasn't completely awake
as he had not mentioned a rake.
described to Donald Trump
how they managed their wood,
He said the American chump
misheard or misunderstood
or he wasn't completely awake
as he had not mentioned a rake.
© Luigi Pagano 2018
18/11/2018
Universal Discredit
16/11/2018
Universally
crippling
drip
by
crippling
drip
by
drippling
trickling
dignity
down
the
drain
trickling
dignity
down
the
drain
© Bex Tate
16/11/2018
An overnight declaration
04/10/2018
Theresa May vows
to dig in like Geoff
and remains deaf
to the many rows
caused by her plan
which seems likely
to go down the pan.
to dig in like Geoff
and remains deaf
to the many rows
caused by her plan
which seems likely
to go down the pan.
© Luigi Pagano
04/10/2018
Writ Plain
03/10/2018
...Since we’ve
‘Bitten
The dust’
Our jaws
Have grown
The most
Improbable
Prose
Garden.
‘Bitten
The dust’
Our jaws
Have grown
The most
Improbable
Prose
Garden.
© Stefanie Bennett
03/10/2018
Anchovies
Young Tories' night of shame: Students sport 'f*** the NHS' slogan, Hitler moustache and make dodgy hand gesture
28/09/2018
Out pop those willing
Joeys from the prep school purse
White anchovies who
Eyeball each other bet on
Number 10 and who'll go first
Joeys from the prep school purse
White anchovies who
Eyeball each other bet on
Number 10 and who'll go first
© Mark Coverdale
28/09/2018
Just the ticket?
28/09/2018
The British Heart Foundation,
with the best of intentions,
offers high blood pressure tests
in salons, pubs and train stations.
But the latter is the worst place
to conduct such health checks
considering that passengers face
high fares, delays, cancellations;
the very cause of hypertension.
with the best of intentions,
offers high blood pressure tests
in salons, pubs and train stations.
But the latter is the worst place
to conduct such health checks
considering that passengers face
high fares, delays, cancellations;
the very cause of hypertension.
© Luigi Pagano
28/09/2018
Boris Trumps
Boris Johnson sets out his 'Super Canada' Brexit plan
27/09/2018
Anything May can do
I can do better
I can do any deal
Better than May
I can do better
I can do any deal
Better than May
No you can’t
Yes I Can
Ada
Yes I Can
Ada
© S. O. Fasrus
27/09/2018
An Event of Great Importance
Meghan closes a car door
26/09/2018
There was a young woman who closed a car door.
They say it never ever happened before.
The people were shocked,
Her critics were mocked,
And the BBC cried please, please gives us more.
They say it never ever happened before.
The people were shocked,
Her critics were mocked,
And the BBC cried please, please gives us more.
© Phil Knight
26/09/2018
Democracy at work
24/09/2018
This is a government
that we don't like;
they are very cruel
and lack goodwill.
Let's kick them out
via a general strike
even if the country
comes to a standstill.
that we don't like;
they are very cruel
and lack goodwill.
Let's kick them out
via a general strike
even if the country
comes to a standstill.
© Luigi Pagano
24/09/2018
The bare facts
22/09/2018
I have read it in the papers
and watched it on the box:
six hundred people naked
to welcome the equinox.
But this massive nudity
was all in aid of charity.
and watched it on the box:
six hundred people naked
to welcome the equinox.
But this massive nudity
was all in aid of charity.
© Luigi Pagano
22/09/2018
Punch and counterpunch
21/09/2018
There doesn't seem to be
an alternative prospect
to the Chequers deal
devised by the cabinet
with the utmost zeal
but which in Brussels
has failed to appeal
and one that Europe
has decided to reject
without showing the PM
the appropriate respect
but she has responded
with true British phlegm.
an alternative prospect
to the Chequers deal
devised by the cabinet
with the utmost zeal
but which in Brussels
has failed to appeal
and one that Europe
has decided to reject
without showing the PM
the appropriate respect
but she has responded
with true British phlegm.
© Luigi Pagano
21/09/2018
Bert & Ernie
Bert and Ernie are not gay, says Sesame Street organisation as writer's claim denied
20/09/2018
There were 2 in a bed
so the viewers all said:
“YOU’RE LOVERS,
YOU’RE LOVERS!”
So they both rolled their eyes:
so the viewers all said:
“YOU’RE LOVERS,
YOU’RE LOVERS!”
So they both rolled their eyes:
“WE’RE PUPPETS”,
they cried!
they cried!
© S. O. Fasrus
20/09/2018
Off Course
19/09/2018
Theresa May's brexit plan
is said to be chequered
but it looks more and more
that it is in fact knackered.
is said to be chequered
but it looks more and more
that it is in fact knackered.
© Luigi Pagano
19/09/2018
Halloween comes early
Spooky Nighttime Children's Voices Turned Out To Be Something Even Creepier Than Ghosts
19/09/2018
Child's voice drifting
Over Ipswich
From spiders running across
Company security sensors;
Residents getting
Hee-bee-gee-bees
Ingenious way
To target trespassers.
Over Ipswich
From spiders running across
Company security sensors;
Residents getting
Hee-bee-gee-bees
Ingenious way
To target trespassers.
© Amanda Derry
19/09/2018
Yep!
British billionaire Branson among advisers for Saudi Red Sea tourism project
18/09/2018
Richard Branson
Swings in a hammock
Swings in a hammock
the pillock!
© S. O. Fasrus
18/09/2018
Lingua franca
18/09/2018
I remember Ted Heath, by jingo,
trying to speak the French lingo;
it was not a success, to be blunt.
At the podium steps Jeremy Hunt
who says he will speak Japanese.
I can't help it but I feel ill at ease.
trying to speak the French lingo;
it was not a success, to be blunt.
At the podium steps Jeremy Hunt
who says he will speak Japanese.
I can't help it but I feel ill at ease.
© Luigi Pagano
18/09/2018
Idling
Jaguar workers put on three-day week until Christmas
17/09/2018
Brum Brum
foot off the peddle
3 days to work
4 days to diddle
foot off the peddle
3 days to work
4 days to diddle
© S. O. Fasrus
17/09/2018
A tale of five squirrels
A tale of five squirrels: vets untangle 'Gordian Knot' of rodents
16/09/2018
Twisted and tangled
And all in a knot
Five little squirrels
In a pickle
Had got
© Bex Tate
And all in a knot
Five little squirrels
In a pickle
Had got
🐿🐿🐿🐿🐿
16/09/2018
Phone alert
14/09/2018
Nearly every cellphone owner
Will receive a national security text
From the President of the United States
Just testing, it will say, in case of a
National Emergency
As if the myriad of other social contact
Wasn't enough
No one can opt out-
Personal data protection doesn't apply
For the Government.
Will receive a national security text
From the President of the United States
Just testing, it will say, in case of a
National Emergency
As if the myriad of other social contact
Wasn't enough
No one can opt out-
Personal data protection doesn't apply
For the Government.
© Amanda Derry
'Can I block him?' Trump will TEXT nearly every cell phone in the country next week as part of FEMA's new presidential alert system
14/09/2018
Trouble at t' mill
13/09/2018
Gina Miller wants to end chaos.
She's the one who went to court
to make sure Parliament was boss
when voting on leaving the EU.
Now she says that politicians are
“stuck in their Westminster bubble
and wants to take them to task
But one is entitled to ask
if she's bent on causing trouble.
She's the one who went to court
to make sure Parliament was boss
when voting on leaving the EU.
Now she says that politicians are
“stuck in their Westminster bubble
and wants to take them to task
But one is entitled to ask
if she's bent on causing trouble.
© Luigi Pagano
13/09/2018
No more fight with Kryptonite
11/09/2018
Devoted fans of Superman,
played by the actor Henry Cavill,
have been reported to be agape
hearing he was hanging his cape
but had to swallow the bitter pill.
© Luigi Pagano
11/09/2018
Answers on a postcard
10/09/2018
I am sorry sisters
I find it sinister
that you want the right
to be loutish and badmouth
a tennis umpire
because your male
counterparts do the same.
When you raise banners
demanding equality
are you saying that
to be equal to them
you are prepared
to sanction bad manners?
I find it sinister
that you want the right
to be loutish and badmouth
a tennis umpire
because your male
counterparts do the same.
When you raise banners
demanding equality
are you saying that
to be equal to them
you are prepared
to sanction bad manners?
© Luigi Pagano
10/09/2018
Rants, jeers and tears
09/09/2018
Serena Williams was not serene
as she confronted the tennis umpire
whom she accused of being mean,
unfair and sexist, a thief and a liar.
as she confronted the tennis umpire
whom she accused of being mean,
unfair and sexist, a thief and a liar.
© Luigi Pagano
09/09/2018
A Flaming Torch Dressed in Peaceful Flowers
Swedish election: Vote begins amid anti-immigration surge
08/09/2018
You can hide the flaming torch
behind a blue and yellow daisy
but Sweden’s memory
needn’t be so short
lazy voters and lazy thinkers.
I hear you refusing to make difficult choices -
claiming neutrality
was never neutral, and by doing so you must know you are complicit.
behind a blue and yellow daisy
but Sweden’s memory
needn’t be so short
lazy voters and lazy thinkers.
I hear you refusing to make difficult choices -
claiming neutrality
was never neutral, and by doing so you must know you are complicit.
Call yourself non-political, anarchist, or fence sitter,
sometimes you need to take a stand.
You can hide behind your flower of peace
but I will always save my deepest contempt
for all who refuse to take sides.
Let’s remember how Hitler’s army was allowed to tramp
through Sweden
on the not so very long journey
to nazify Norway.
sometimes you need to take a stand.
You can hide behind your flower of peace
but I will always save my deepest contempt
for all who refuse to take sides.
Let’s remember how Hitler’s army was allowed to tramp
through Sweden
on the not so very long journey
to nazify Norway.
Hard choices were always hard choices.
© S. O. Fasrus
08/09/2018
Lend me your ear
06/09/2018
Rumours of a royal
pregnancy swirl.
I hope that I
don't seem disloyal
if I say: Atta girl!
pregnancy swirl.
I hope that I
don't seem disloyal
if I say: Atta girl!
© Luigi Pagano
06/09/2018
We can do better
05/09/2018
(with apologies to Conor Maynard)
We can do it better than you, Donald,
Better than, much better than you.
We can tell you that we're watching you
And let you know we're not loving everything we see.
The way you act is a proof you're crazy
We'll make you wanna dance with us
You've been walking 'round like you just don't care
Got everybody thinkin' you are a true player
But your time is up.
I see you staring but you know, don't you,
That it would be better if you were to go.
Better than, much better than you.
We can tell you that we're watching you
And let you know we're not loving everything we see.
The way you act is a proof you're crazy
We'll make you wanna dance with us
You've been walking 'round like you just don't care
Got everybody thinkin' you are a true player
But your time is up.
I see you staring but you know, don't you,
That it would be better if you were to go.
© Luigi Pagano
05/09/2018
President Non-Grata
President non grata: Trump often unwelcome and unwilling to perform basic rituals of the office
04/09/2018
They’re calling you President Non-Grata
we watch you pout and hiss and bare your teeth
a fake-tan version of the prisoner in Silence of the Lambs
we watch you pout and hiss and bare your teeth
a fake-tan version of the prisoner in Silence of the Lambs
It’s easy to see clearly without the fog of feeling
you know they can’t get at a man who doesn’t care
we know we won’t hurt a man with a reinforced screen of vanity
you know they can’t get at a man who doesn’t care
we know we won’t hurt a man with a reinforced screen of vanity
We can always incite your anger, though
knowing your last word will dissolve us in a pool of gall.
knowing your last word will dissolve us in a pool of gall.
President Non-Grata President Non-Grata
We can keep you from weddings and funerals.
but you’ll carry on forging your own rites of passage.
We can keep you from weddings and funerals.
but you’ll carry on forging your own rites of passage.
© S. O. Fasrus
04/09/2018
Hellopecia
Making hair loss 'fashionable'
02/09/2018
Alopecia is the new rock and roll
if bushy eyebrows made a come back
and thin may no longer be in
and plump could be the new to die for.
Bring on the enticing facial moles
and the big black dress.
Make sure bingo wings are in the frame
we aim to rebrand and it’s grand -
remember what Rubens did for the fuller figure?
and what the pre-raphaelites did for ginger!
if bushy eyebrows made a come back
and thin may no longer be in
and plump could be the new to die for.
Bring on the enticing facial moles
and the big black dress.
Make sure bingo wings are in the frame
we aim to rebrand and it’s grand -
remember what Rubens did for the fuller figure?
and what the pre-raphaelites did for ginger!
Bald heads rock. Bald is edgy -
work with me on this.
Hellopecia!
© S. O. Fasrus
02/09/2018
Chips with everything
31/08/2018
Nigella Lawson went to a Glasgow's
fish and chips shop, the Blue Lagoon,
ate their pommes frites there and then,
said they were exquisite and vinegary
and that now she was over the moon.
fish and chips shop, the Blue Lagoon,
ate their pommes frites there and then,
said they were exquisite and vinegary
and that now she was over the moon.
© Luigi Pagano
31/08/2018
My Beautiful Balloon
When and where to see the Sadiq Khan balloon and why the blimp shows the mayor in a yellow bikini
31/08/2018
The balloon making industry is showing a significant upsurge.
After laying off over 200 workers less than a year ago
there has been a turnaround
with retail outlets showing high demand for the product.
The industry believes the Trump Blimp,
floated during the American President’s visit,
followed in recent days
by the proposed floating of the Sadiq Khan bikini clad blimp,
has contributed to the rise in demand.
A trend for bespoke life sized blimps,
not merely for protest,
but for cultural events and big family occasions
such as weddings and baptisms,
has pushed business up by 60%.
The sector is ballooning.
After laying off over 200 workers less than a year ago
there has been a turnaround
with retail outlets showing high demand for the product.
The industry believes the Trump Blimp,
floated during the American President’s visit,
followed in recent days
by the proposed floating of the Sadiq Khan bikini clad blimp,
has contributed to the rise in demand.
A trend for bespoke life sized blimps,
not merely for protest,
but for cultural events and big family occasions
such as weddings and baptisms,
has pushed business up by 60%.
The sector is ballooning.
© S. O. Fasrus
31/08/2018
Wonga has gone wrong - ah!
31/08/2018
Many people will dance the Conga
having heard of the collapse of Wonga
They will say, “Serves them right
as they exploited the paupers' plight”.
The shareholders, it would appear,
are the only ones to shed any tear.
having heard of the collapse of Wonga
They will say, “Serves them right
as they exploited the paupers' plight”.
The shareholders, it would appear,
are the only ones to shed any tear.
© Luigi Pagano
31/08/2018
Wretched Dancer (After Mark Knopfler!)
Theresa May busts out dance moves one more time on Africa trip
29/08/2018
I'm your wretched dancer,
a dancer for trade deals
and any old brexit will do.
© Harry Gallagher
29/08/2018
COQUILLES ST FRANGLAIS
UK defends scallop boats after clashes with French vessels
29/08/2018
HANDS OFF OUR SCALLOP
SI NON, IT'S A WALLOP
© S. O. Fasrus
29/08/2018
Artificial intelligence
28/08/2018
A robot that watches
as you cross the road
to make sure pedestrians
follow the Green Cross code
is now being tested
by Jaguar Land Rover.
But does it also guide
the eponymous chickens
who always cross over
to the other side,
but we don't know why?
as you cross the road
to make sure pedestrians
follow the Green Cross code
is now being tested
by Jaguar Land Rover.
But does it also guide
the eponymous chickens
who always cross over
to the other side,
but we don't know why?
© Luigi Pagano
28/08/2018
No Nafs
27/08/2018
We’ll be getting rid of the name Nafta
not a good name -
bad connotations, bad, very bad.
I know about brands, believe me.
words starting with 'naf'
can give the wrong idea.
I know a lot of words, believe me
and ‘naff,’ is a bad one.
It’s not the sort of word this President wants to be associated with.
Bad connotations, not good, not good.
Nafta:
You got to be really stupid to come up with a bad name like that.
not a good name -
bad connotations, bad, very bad.
I know about brands, believe me.
words starting with 'naf'
can give the wrong idea.
I know a lot of words, believe me
and ‘naff,’ is a bad one.
It’s not the sort of word this President wants to be associated with.
Bad connotations, not good, not good.
Nafta:
You got to be really stupid to come up with a bad name like that.
© S. O. Fasrus
27/08/2018
On a tightrope
26/08/2018
We mope with the Pope
who is trying to cope
with clergy who grope
and he has plenty of scope
but we must hope
he isn't on a slippery slope.
who is trying to cope
with clergy who grope
and he has plenty of scope
but we must hope
he isn't on a slippery slope.
© Luigi Pagano
26/08/2018
Cnoc Mhuire
Papal visit: Pope ends historic visit to Ireland
25/08/2018
Jesus Joseph and Mary,
a showing in Knock long ago,
John the Evangelist
also
a showing in Knock long ago,
John the Evangelist
also
quite large
as apparitions go,
No?
© S. O. Fasrus
25/08/2018
Danation?
Government raises fears about shortage of donated SPERM if there is no Brexit deal because we import so much from Denmark
24/08/2018
We’re Scandi-Sperm
The future is fair
Tall and white skinned
Slim with blonde hair
The future is fair
Tall and white skinned
Slim with blonde hair
© S. O. Fasrus
24/08/2018
Men of England Take Stand
Government raises fears about shortage of donated SPERM if there is no Brexit deal because we import so much from Denmark
24/08/2018
Man of England lend a hand
Now's the time to take a stand.
Don't give in to Brexit defeat,
Be like Nelson and the fleet.
Unfurl the flag, rig the mast,
Do the motions quick and fast.
Remember Churchill's big cigar
Make a contribution a bit bizarre.
They did it, King Alfred and Robin Hood
But you can do it for the nation's good.
Now's the time to take a stand.
Don't give in to Brexit defeat,
Be like Nelson and the fleet.
Unfurl the flag, rig the mast,
Do the motions quick and fast.
Remember Churchill's big cigar
Make a contribution a bit bizarre.
They did it, King Alfred and Robin Hood
But you can do it for the nation's good.
And every drop of milk of man
Will be frozen in a special can.
So don't waste that national seed
Go to the sperm bank at top speed
And your favourite form of behaviour
Will be your nation's future saviour.
Will be frozen in a special can.
So don't waste that national seed
Go to the sperm bank at top speed
And your favourite form of behaviour
Will be your nation's future saviour.
© Phil Knight
24/08/2018
A chain reaction
24/08/2018
The senior auctioneer valuer said,
“there is no chain to worry about,
particularly if you are flush with cash”
but people like us without any stash
can only reply, “pull the other one”.
“there is no chain to worry about,
particularly if you are flush with cash”
but people like us without any stash
can only reply, “pull the other one”.
© Luigi Pagano
24/08/2018
Sexist Poem Washed Away by Serendipidous Swansea Rain
He's had an asbo and police called on him, but this man is still writing poetry on Welsh pavements
23/08/2018
Pavement poet’s pavement poems pretty personal
personal poems plotting personal publicity pretty poor
persons perturbed by pavement poet's poem planning purging pernicious poem
but improper pernicious pavement poem purged by downpour previously.
personal poems plotting personal publicity pretty poor
persons perturbed by pavement poet's poem planning purging pernicious poem
but improper pernicious pavement poem purged by downpour previously.
© S. O. Fasrus
23/08/2018
Poets welcome in Swansea
He's had an asbo and police called on him, but this man is still writing poetry on Welsh pavements
22/08/2018
Pavement poet picked a pavement for a pavement poem
poems penned on pavements the pavement poet picked
particular pavements for particular poems penned on pavements
Particularly pursuing particular pavements for particular poems
poems penned on pavements the pavement poet picked
particular pavements for particular poems penned on pavements
Particularly pursuing particular pavements for particular poems
© S. O. Fasrus
22/08/2018
Ways and means
22/08/2018
Do you remember the gangster Al Capone?
Could not be convicted on murders alone
so to make certain of his incarceration
they charged him with income tax evasion.
There are people who whoop and applaud
as Donald's associates are guilty of fraud.
They take for granted that Donald Trump
is guilty as well and is for the high jump.
© Luigi Pagano
22/08/2018
It stinks
21/08/2018
Doesn't matter if anyone around him is indicted
Colluding with Russians or has fixed
Election results
For the 'candidate' they were working with
At the time- no, no links
And paying off play bunnies
Was just incidental
Never mind,
Any large corporations
That handed them tips.
Machinations and motives
Behind Governmental dealings
And don't get me onto Brexit.
Colluding with Russians or has fixed
Election results
For the 'candidate' they were working with
At the time- no, no links
And paying off play bunnies
Was just incidental
Never mind,
Any large corporations
That handed them tips.
Machinations and motives
Behind Governmental dealings
And don't get me onto Brexit.
© Amanda Derry
21/08/2018
Broken Dreams
North Carolina: protesters pull down Confederate statue at university
21/08/2018
There you are Silent Sam
high on your base
Icon of slavery
long out of place
here we come Silent Sam
history’s cast
we’re going to shatter
effronteries past
high on your base
Icon of slavery
long out of place
here we come Silent Sam
history’s cast
we’re going to shatter
effronteries past
Down you come Silent Sam
winds of change blowing
Confederate Daughters
weep prayers at your going
staggering - tumbling
Your last bugle call
down you come Silent Sam
Silent Sam fall.
winds of change blowing
Confederate Daughters
weep prayers at your going
staggering - tumbling
Your last bugle call
down you come Silent Sam
Silent Sam fall.
© S. O. Fasrus
21/08/2018
Perfect timing
20/08/2018
I am all in favour of flexibility,
it my idea of serendipity.
It would suit me fine
to start at nine
and finishing at nine-0-five
would be divine.
it my idea of serendipity.
It would suit me fine
to start at nine
and finishing at nine-0-five
would be divine.
© Luigi Pagano
20/08/2018
Food for thought
20/08/2018
Come on U.K. citizens, you better hurry
and drop the dishes you've appropriated:
tikka masala; tandoori; and vindaloo too.
They are Indian recipes - not British curry -
and therefore don't belong to you.
and drop the dishes you've appropriated:
tikka masala; tandoori; and vindaloo too.
They are Indian recipes - not British curry -
and therefore don't belong to you.
© Luigi Pagano
20/08/2018
Pug Appeal
‘Nazi Pug’ Comedian Count Dankula Vows to Defy Court in Freedom of Speech Spat
17/08/2018
The Pug said my owner’s a Nazi,
he gave me a
Hitler salute,
with a finger moustache
I was off like a flash
to hide,
lest he put in the boot.
he gave me a
Hitler salute,
with a finger moustache
I was off like a flash
to hide,
lest he put in the boot.
Last night I endured Nazi training,
this indoctrination is vile;
I salute with my paw,
please call in the
law
I’ve now got to bark the Sieg Heil.
this indoctrination is vile;
I salute with my paw,
please call in the
law
I’ve now got to bark the Sieg Heil.
© S. O. Fasrus
17/08/2018
Digging for gold
16/08/2018
The gold ring that was lost
has been found on a carrot.
I wonder if this vegetable
is now measured in carats.
has been found on a carrot.
I wonder if this vegetable
is now measured in carats.
© Luigi Pagano
16/08/2018
From Russia with barb
16/08/2018
At the Fringe Alyokhina and the Pussy Riot
show that friends of Vladimir they are not.
They indulge in loud screaming and rants
and sing songs like “Putin peed his pants”.
show that friends of Vladimir they are not.
They indulge in loud screaming and rants
and sing songs like “Putin peed his pants”.
© Luigi Pagano
16/08/2018
We Are Snowflake
Hungary’s Leader Was Shunned by Obama, but Has a Friend in Trump
15/08/2018
We are softy snowflakes
all out on our own
nazis say we're white and wet
they are hard as stone.
all out on our own
nazis say we're white and wet
they are hard as stone.
Quell the dread, if big boots tread,
we melt and form a torrent
dissolve and merge - look out we surge
when nazis are the current.
© S. O. Fasrus
we melt and form a torrent
dissolve and merge - look out we surge
when nazis are the current.
© S. O. Fasrus
15/08/2018
Caught Short
13/08/2018
There was a desperate young Poet in Abergavenny
Who could find nowhere in town to spend a penny.
Swansea was the same .
But who was blame?
The Councils have turned Britain into a looless tyranny.
Who could find nowhere in town to spend a penny.
Swansea was the same .
But who was blame?
The Councils have turned Britain into a looless tyranny.
© Phil Knight
13/08/2018
Overcrowded Cornwall
Cornwall hit by 'tourist overcrowding' amid UK heatwave
13/08/2018
I am really sorry but Cornwall is full
I know it is lovely, a holiday pull
But too many people have come for the sun
And stopped it from being a place of real fun
There's far too much traffic, and tourists in cars
Cause chaos and somehow the ambience mars
We can't get to work, we are frequently late
Emergency vehicles in queues have to wait
And so Visit Cornwall says please don't come here
Perhaps visit Devon? It's lovely, and near!
I know it is lovely, a holiday pull
But too many people have come for the sun
And stopped it from being a place of real fun
There's far too much traffic, and tourists in cars
Cause chaos and somehow the ambience mars
We can't get to work, we are frequently late
Emergency vehicles in queues have to wait
And so Visit Cornwall says please don't come here
Perhaps visit Devon? It's lovely, and near!
© Lesley Webb
13/08/2018
Ezra Pounded
Ezra Pound wrote the world’s single greatest poem, but is it wrong to love a fascist?
11/08/2018
Gertrude Stein said Ezra Pound's
a village explainer, all around
less intellect than verbal spillage
though perfectly fine if you're a village!
a village explainer, all around
less intellect than verbal spillage
though perfectly fine if you're a village!
© S. O. Fasrus
11/08/2018
Wholphin
11/08/2018
A Wholphin is having a whale of a time
smiling while diving in ocean brine
with a prominent beak
a blue-grey streak
smiling while diving in ocean brine
with a prominent beak
a blue-grey streak
and a blowhole:0
© S. O. Fasrus
11/08/2018
Baby- Eichhörnchen 🐿
Got Friedrich von Bloggs on the run
The little mite
Caused such a fright
The Police were called to put things right
© Bex Tate
11/08/2018
Sand Ahoy!
Ostrich Syndrome's on the rise,
heads up daft-bird - open eyes
Far Right’s out to organise:
UNITE THE RIGHT MARCH
ON WASHINGTON 12 AUGUST 2018
© S. O. Fasrus
10/08/2018
Ostrich Syndrome's on the rise,
heads up daft-bird - open eyes
Far Right’s out to organise:
UNITE THE RIGHT MARCH
ON WASHINGTON 12 AUGUST 2018
© S. O. Fasrus
10/08/2018
Birds of a feather
10/08/2018
The people of Barnstaple saw
a seagull with pink feathers
and exclaimed “by jingo!”
we hope that he hasn't mated
with a flaming flamingo.
a seagull with pink feathers
and exclaimed “by jingo!”
we hope that he hasn't mated
with a flaming flamingo.
© Luigi Pagano
10/08/2018
Polar Bear Share
09/08/2018
Phoney baloney
life can be shite
stuck on a mini size
ice cube all night.
life can be shite
stuck on a mini size
ice cube all night.
Big fluffy coat -
destined to swelter,
iceberg floats by
arse; it's a melter!
destined to swelter,
iceberg floats by
arse; it's a melter!
© S. O. Fasrus
09/08/2018
Boris on Burkas
Tory peer: Remove whip from Boris Johnson over burka remarks
08/08/2018
No need to apologise
I’ve tried a burka on for size
silky black with a slot for eyes
I’ve tried a burka on for size
silky black with a slot for eyes
Bags of style but slightly dangerous
hope you all won’t think me traitorous
hope you all won’t think me traitorous
Comfort, and covert and floaty
Hope this doesn’t get your goaty
Hope this doesn’t get your goaty
© S. O. Fasrus
08/08/2018
Shadow boxing
Boris isn't known
08/08/2018
to sit on the fence.
So a few people
took offence
when he chose
to compare
what some Muslim
women wear
to a letter box
and he wasn't
talking of socks.
So a few people
took offence
when he chose
to compare
what some Muslim
women wear
to a letter box
and he wasn't
talking of socks.
© Luigi Pagano
08/08/2018
Tick (Haemaphysalis longicornis)
5 Things to Know About the New Tick Species in the US
07/08/2018
We don’t need a mate to breed
nips of blood is all we need
scarlet lips from little sips
once we’re bloated to our tips
nips of blood is all we need
scarlet lips from little sips
once we’re bloated to our tips
Sated well before you’ve caught us
we’ll spill out a thousand daughters
daughter ticks will cling to you
Spill out all their daughters too.
we’ll spill out a thousand daughters
daughter ticks will cling to you
Spill out all their daughters too.
Arrrrgh!
© S. O. Fasrus
07/08/2018
Strictly Speaking
07/08/2018
Strictly Come Dancing
will strictly adhere
To strictly mixed couples
in spite of the year
In two thousand and eighteen
I find this surprising-
Strictly ‘s ratings may drop
And Mr. Cowell’s
may start rising!
will strictly adhere
To strictly mixed couples
in spite of the year
In two thousand and eighteen
I find this surprising-
Strictly ‘s ratings may drop
And Mr. Cowell’s
may start rising!
© Bex Tate
07/08/2018
Wanted
Inspired indirectly, by the tale of a love-seeking tortoise called Dirk, and a poem by S.O. Fasrus
07/08/2018
I'm Latrodetus from Texas
looking for a mate
With my hour glass figure
i'm an interesting date
I have legs to die for
a home of finest thread
My beautiful red embelishment
will entice someone to bed
Love making out of this world
from which you wont recover
A truly fatal encounter
Your Arachnid Widow Lover.
looking for a mate
With my hour glass figure
i'm an interesting date
I have legs to die for
a home of finest thread
My beautiful red embelishment
will entice someone to bed
Love making out of this world
from which you wont recover
A truly fatal encounter
Your Arachnid Widow Lover.
© Debbie Smith
07/08/2018
Kipper Choir Practice
07/08/2018
On the rocks between a hard place
Excavating for a deal
Vicar’s daughter to the
slaughter
Leather
trews like Emma Peel
Excavating for a deal
Vicar’s daughter to the
slaughter
Leather
trews like Emma Peel
Sturgeon, Juncker, Macron, Merkel
Brexit talks are very
tense
Tessa's
walking through a minefield
There’ll be laughs at our expense
Brexit talks are very
tense
Tessa's
walking through a minefield
There’ll be laughs at our expense
Chorus
What’s the story what’s the
story
What’s the
story Tessa May
If our
dreams are dashed forever
You’ll be sorry, Tessa May
© S. O. Fasrus
What’s the story what’s the
story
What’s the
story Tessa May
If our
dreams are dashed forever
You’ll be sorry, Tessa May
© S. O. Fasrus
07/08/2018
Dirk from the Galapagos
Giant male Galapagos tortoise looking for love
06/08/2018
(70 yr old big guy seeks a big built female to bring him out of his shell)
Lifestyle:
An early riser and a keen forager
naps a lot, semi-submerged in mud or water
Sexually forceful (rough love - guaranteed to lift partner off her feet)
but very experienced after practising on a boulder for 40 years
non-possessive. - leaves after sex
naps a lot, semi-submerged in mud or water
Sexually forceful (rough love - guaranteed to lift partner off her feet)
but very experienced after practising on a boulder for 40 years
non-possessive. - leaves after sex
some travelling in the early hours.
usually asleep before sunset but known to wander off to watering holes in the middle of the night.
Looking to breed? Big Dirk from the Galapagos is waiting.
© S. O. Fasrus
usually asleep before sunset but known to wander off to watering holes in the middle of the night.
Looking to breed? Big Dirk from the Galapagos is waiting.
© S. O. Fasrus
06/08/2018
The cup that cheers
06/08/2018
The Willow Tea Room
designed by Macintosh
was thought at the time
to be utterly posh.
When it opened, the salon
had a sculptural relief
by Mackintosh's wife,
a hand-painted gesso.
The Room was famous
for brewed tea leaf
but to their patrons
did not serve espresso.
designed by Macintosh
was thought at the time
to be utterly posh.
When it opened, the salon
had a sculptural relief
by Mackintosh's wife,
a hand-painted gesso.
The Room was famous
for brewed tea leaf
but to their patrons
did not serve espresso.
© Luigi Pagano
06/08/2018
Nursing Home Metallers Rock
They had a quick nap
they put on the kettle
but who can resist
the call of the metal
The leathers were out
for Nocturnal Rights
Judas Priest leading
headbanging nights
IN METAL WE TRUST
'Helmet' and 'Doro'
It’s Wacken for us
we’ll head back tomorrow
© S. O. Fasrus
04/08/2018
They had a quick nap
they put on the kettle
but who can resist
the call of the metal
The leathers were out
for Nocturnal Rights
Judas Priest leading
headbanging nights
IN METAL WE TRUST
'Helmet' and 'Doro'
It’s Wacken for us
we’ll head back tomorrow
© S. O. Fasrus
04/08/2018
Shoes for Dogs
03/08/2018
Our feet are roasting said the Spaniel
heatwaves are too much to handle -
the shoes they gave us aren’t so hot
but they do the job and help a lot.
heatwaves are too much to handle -
the shoes they gave us aren’t so hot
but they do the job and help a lot.
© S. O. Fasrus
03/08/2018
Honestly Folks
Donald Trump rejects claims he was 15 minutes late to meet Queen - and says she made him wait
03/08/2018
Donald Trump Donald Trump
visits The Queen
Queen kept him waiting
Or so it would seem
Donald Trump Donald Trump
paid the Queen back
walked right in front of her
showing his neck!
visits The Queen
Queen kept him waiting
Or so it would seem
Donald Trump Donald Trump
paid the Queen back
walked right in front of her
showing his neck!
Donald Trump Donald Trump
says she was late
‘I was there early
the Queen made me wait,’
Donald Trump Donald Trump
blowing a fuse
jeering at journalists
calls out ‘FAKE NEWS.’
says she was late
‘I was there early
the Queen made me wait,’
Donald Trump Donald Trump
blowing a fuse
jeering at journalists
calls out ‘FAKE NEWS.’
© S. O. Fasrus
03/08/2018
Bad poets R us
03/08/2018
It is a sign of our time.
We, bad poets, who
have much difficulty
in finding a rhyme,
must also mind
our Ps and Qs
or else we have
to suffer the blues
at the hand of those
who make a fuss
as they don't think
the same as us.
We, bad poets, who
have much difficulty
in finding a rhyme,
must also mind
our Ps and Qs
or else we have
to suffer the blues
at the hand of those
who make a fuss
as they don't think
the same as us.
© Luigi Pagano
03/08/2018
The Cult of Q
02/08/2018
Conspiracies grew in the Cult of Q
The code words were auspicious
A Lumen-elite with crocodile feet
Made Alex Jones suspicious
The code words were auspicious
A Lumen-elite with crocodile feet
Made Alex Jones suspicious
He yelled so loud, he drew a crowd
The odd, the weird, the crazy
And Rosanne Barr who was going so far
The point of it was hazy.
The odd, the weird, the crazy
And Rosanne Barr who was going so far
The point of it was hazy.
IIlumin-arty snuck in the party
Some were spiking drinks
Plying MK Ultra in upper rooms
And encouraging sexual kinks.
Some were spiking drinks
Plying MK Ultra in upper rooms
And encouraging sexual kinks.
© S. O. Fasrus
02/08/2018
Precocious terrorists?
01/08/2018
The Ofsted devastating
review which withdrew
a nursery top rating
for failing to spot
if kids aged two to four
might become jihadis
instead of playing
with conkers
was said to be bonkers.
© Luigi Pagano
01/08/2018
The Women of Football - 1914 -1818
Historic photographs show time when women's football was so popular that it drew in bigger crowds than men's games
01/08/2018
A photo of women who loved kicking balls
A hundred years back, and resplendent
in shorts socks and boots, not giving two hoots
the women of football, transcendent.
A hundred years back, and resplendent
in shorts socks and boots, not giving two hoots
the women of football, transcendent.
© S. O. Fasrus
01/08/2018
A Question of Convenience
01/08/2018
What Edward Lord OBE
declares himself non-binary.
Biology is for the birds -
and consultation's just a word.
I'll hear your views - if you'll agree.
Another word's hypocrisy.
declares himself non-binary.
Biology is for the birds -
and consultation's just a word.
I'll hear your views - if you'll agree.
Another word's hypocrisy.
© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley
01/08/2018
Dig
Melania Melania,
Cat-walk gardener
how does your veg patch grow
When you’re posing for the press
Always best to look a mess
if you’re picking up a trowel for show
01/08/2018
No Contest
By Jove, mark my words,
it is the end of the world.
You will want to know
Serena Williams
was defeated by Jo.
With an iron fist
in a velvet glove
Konta won the match
six-one, six love.
31/07/2018
Cat-walk gardener
how does your veg patch grow
When you’re posing for the press
Always best to look a mess
if you’re picking up a trowel for show
© S. O. Fasrus
01/08/2018
No Contest
By Jove, mark my words,
it is the end of the world.
You will want to know
Serena Williams
was defeated by Jo.
With an iron fist
in a velvet glove
Konta won the match
six-one, six love.
© Luigi Pagano
31/07/2018
Vegistate Legislate
I fear my death has no appeal;
if I vegetate will I feel -
will I think or will I blink,
is there a chance my heart will sink
© S.O. Fasrus
31/07/2018
You Can Paint Me Red White And Green But it’s All Yellow
Sometimes nice guys
Do finish first
For good reason
The push on stages comes with ages
Not dressed in limelight
But yellow
And now
The world all knows
Llongyfarchiadau G
It just goes to show
For good reason
The push on stages comes with ages
Not dressed in limelight
But yellow
And now
The world all knows
Llongyfarchiadau G
It just goes to show
© Mark Coverdale
30/07/2018
The crazy gang
Today the Beano is eighty,
My goodness gracious me.
And as I am eighty-three
it's nearly as old as me.
The magazine is comic
and has become iconic
with rebellious characters
like Dennis the Menace
with his dog Gnasher,
Roger the Dodger,
the haughty and lofty
Walter the Softy
and the female duo
of Minnie the Minx
and Ivy the Terrible.
They all caused mayhem.
Happy birthday to them.
© Luigi Pagano
28/07/2018
Bloody Moon
Here it is
The bloody moon
Bloody gert big orb
The bloody moon
Bloody gert big orb
Here it is
Whopper of the Century
Like a bloody great gert big
Blood orange
Whopper of the Century
Like a bloody great gert big
Blood orange
Bloody massive
Bloody gert big event
Bloody gert big event
© S.O. Fasrus
A smart move
Ex minister Mike O’Brien
the smart-meter pioneer
who promoted a gadget
supposed to be smart
found out that this gear
wasn't good enough.
He would have no part
in the scheme anymore
so he ditched the stuff.
who promoted a gadget
supposed to be smart
found out that this gear
wasn't good enough.
He would have no part
in the scheme anymore
so he ditched the stuff.
© Luigi Pagano
27/07/2018
Grope Lane
Grope Lane
Gropers game
Groping loping
Gropers hoping
Groping loping
Gropers hoping
Hark who's near
Raise a cheer
Clip clop heels
Groper feels
Raise a cheer
Clip clop heels
Groper feels
Hands are out
Grope about
Gawping warping
Now they’re talking
Grope about
Gawping warping
Now they’re talking
© S.O. Fasrus
(In the Middle Ages there were designated groping areas - Grope Lane, is in Shrewsbury still)
27/07/2018
I'll be back... (but not Jay)
It was like a sketch from the Beano:
Schwarzenegger invited Jay Leno
to go riding with him in his tank.
He was serious, it wasn't a prank
but he gave a limo a great whack.
Unlike Arnold, Jay won't be back.
to go riding with him in his tank.
He was serious, it wasn't a prank
but he gave a limo a great whack.
Unlike Arnold, Jay won't be back.
© Luigi Pagano
26/07/2018
Things ain't wot they used to be
Manager Bill Shankly
once famously said :
“Some people think football is a matter of life and death.”
and added that it's much
more serious than that.
That this was true
the public conceded
but this declaration
has been superseded
by Gary's assertion
that the British nation
must take into account
that blocking Brexit
is paramount.
once famously said :
“Some people think football is a matter of life and death.”
and added that it's much
more serious than that.
That this was true
the public conceded
but this declaration
has been superseded
by Gary's assertion
that the British nation
must take into account
that blocking Brexit
is paramount.
© Luigi Pagano
25/07/2018
The law is an ass
For better, for worse;
the vicar pronounced.
She wants a divorce
but the judge announced
it was better for them
to last the course.
The verdict was grubby
as it was worse for her
but better for hubby.
© Luigi Pagano
24/07/2018
Rees-Mogg's hard slog
William Rees-Mogg
as in conflict
with John Major
when the latter
tried to flog
the Treaty of Maastricht
to the nation.
A judge ruled in favour
of the then premier
to the peer's consternation.
It stuck in his throat
to hear of his rival's
'full gloat'.
with John Major
when the latter
tried to flog
the Treaty of Maastricht
to the nation.
A judge ruled in favour
of the then premier
to the peer's consternation.
It stuck in his throat
to hear of his rival's
'full gloat'.
© Luigi Pagano
24/07/2018
HEILKU 757
HEILKU 757
Steve Bannon on Swastika
fanbase tour EU
soon headlining in Hungary
© S. O. Fasrus
23/07/2018
The Theresa May Cling On Song
As Jacob Rees-Mogg will stab my back
It’s so important not to crack
though clearly looking rather strained
I’ll feign composure as I’m blamed.
There’s Boris biting at my heels
will Jean-Claude Junker do some deals
in Downing Street I must cling on,
forever stable ever strong.
though clearly looking rather strained
I’ll feign composure as I’m blamed.
There’s Boris biting at my heels
will Jean-Claude Junker do some deals
in Downing Street I must cling on,
forever stable ever strong.
© S.O. Fasrus
Every day we hear
that the U.S. and Iran
want to settle scores,
not by surrender
but by the so called
'mother of all wars'.
How odd that conflicts
are defined by gender.
© Luigi Pagano
22/07/2018
Holiday Planning
Here is what husbands think:
do you really need to pack
everything but the kitchen sink?
Why is it you refuse
to walk barefoot on the beach
and insist on five pairs of shoes?
And why so many clothes
in case the weather changes?
You can forget those,
it is better to travel light.
So don't take anything, I beg.
For hold luggage on flight
they charge an arm and a leg.
© Luigi Pagano
21/07/2018
Mood swings
I was in high spirits
not at all stressed.
Became depressed
when I read that
anti-depressants
were being prescribed
to adolescents.
© Luigi Pagano
19/07/2018
Llanelli Flies
I fear the currants in my bread
are but a bunch of flies
half dead
they come alive at every bite
and swarm around my mouth
all night
are but a bunch of flies
half dead
they come alive at every bite
and swarm around my mouth
all night
© S. O. Fasrus
19/07/2018
Anything you can do...
Anything you can do
I can do. Maybe more;
I'm after all a princess.
My name is Eugenie
and I am the progeny
of a family that goes back
to the Good Queen Bess.
The English adore
anyone with blue blood
although some people
want to throw mud
at anyone royal
but I think they're disloyal.
© Luigi Pagano
18/07/2018
Mother Wit
My mother said
if I should
meet with a creep in a very dark wood:
“Think on the hoof,
kickbox clever,
a girl in the woods can be lost forever!”
© S.O. Fasrus
17/07/2018
Submittable
Dear Embryo Editor
I hereby submit who I can become
to being
who you would want me to become
Dear Embryo Editor
With my best interests at heart
curtail my excesses
subtract and tailor
punctuate my loins
dress me for uniformity
be unforgiving -
Dear Embryo Editor
when I am honed and toned
and packaged and prone
I look forward to seeing who I will be
and wonder if I will look
more than a little bit
like you
© S. O. Fasrus
Editing human embryos 'morally permissible'
17/07/2018
Riotous living
A pitch invasion took place
which caused some disquiet.
The policemen gave chase
to members of Pussy Riot,
four protesters, all females,
and floored them with tackles.
It certainly tipped the scales
and raised the girls' hackles.
All they had intended to do
was to meet and embrace
the players who wore blue
and be in their good grace.
© Luigi Pagano
Pussy Riot members jailed for World Cup final protest
17/07/2018
Ed Sheeran makes his point
There was a tuneless young "singer" called Ed
Whose caterwauling could awaken the dead.
He thought that rough sleepers
Where worst than wall creepers
And spikes all round his house he did embed.
© Phil Knight
Everybody wins, nobody loses
Though the World Cup
was won by France
and the Croatian team
was runners up
every other nation
had the chance
of a consolation.
Despite England's defeat
Harry Kane got the Golden boot
for being good with his feet
while Modric was named
the tournament's best
and awarded the Golden Ball.
Courtois, said to be above
the other goalkeepers,
was given the Golden Glove.
These and other accolades
pleased them all.
© Luigi Pagano
15/07/2018
Great Product
You give great product
It’s gotta be said, great product
and i really mean that
unbelievable
I’ve always said
UK, or Britain, or England
then there’s Scotland
and little Wales down there on the side
so many names for a small island
so many names
but with great product
great product
I told Theresa
beautiful woman -
you give great product Theresa
great product.
© S.O. Fasrus
What Trump did not reveal
In Windsor they met
and had a tête-à-tête.
She stated that Brexit
was a complex matter
Then waved him off
as he left to play golf
by saying “Good luck,
I hope that your game
will soon get better.”
“What was your name?
Ah, Donald Duck.”
© Luigi Pagano
14/07/2018
Windsor
Ah, the great satsuma hums and has,
the Star Spangled Banner bangs out,
but that old battered flag sags in despair,
for the fruit is rotten, and that bright corona
cannot hide the bald truth of Trump.
© Cath Campbell.
A smash hit
The driver who sent George Clooney
flying over his scooter's handlebar
was not an irresponsible loony
who was speeding in a sports car
but a plumber who could not see
because he was blinded by the sun
(at least that was his defence plea).
To his credit he did not hit-and-run.
© Luigi Pagano
12/07/2018
Trump is Coming to Town
It’s giving him grief, he’s taking advice
‘A big orange balloon is not very nice,’
DONALD TRUMP IS COMING TO TOWN
He’s tweeting when we’'re sleepin'
at 4 he’s wide awake
'hey the KKK are not all bad
you should see those bad snowflakes!’
at 4 he’s wide awake
'hey the KKK are not all bad
you should see those bad snowflakes!’
He's wearing a pout, he’s taking advice
‘I’m hearing they’re losers and not very nice,’
DONALD TRUMP IS COMING TO TOWN
‘I’m hearing they’re losers and not very nice,’
DONALD TRUMP IS COMING TO TOWN
© S.O.Fasrus
12/07/2018
The Morning After
It's raining now
The weather's broke
And summer seems so far away
As if the gods have turned
On England's green and pleasant land
No home for heroes then
But didn't they do well?
The weather's broke
And summer seems so far away
As if the gods have turned
On England's green and pleasant land
No home for heroes then
But didn't they do well?
© Peter K Jones
10/07/2018
Kerfuffle and reshuffle
When he wrote to Theresa
Boris Johnson was blunt
and went on to explain
that he was going to exit
and didn't want to remain.
Now his job goes to Hunt.
© Luigi Pagano
08/07/2018
Tied up in knots
I had no doubt
the match would end
in a penalty shoot-out.
Russia were beaten,
and it isn't a lie,
by the country who invented
the neck-tie.
© Luigi Pagano
Russia 2 Croatia 2 (aet, 3-4 on penalties): Rakitic sets up England semi-final showdown
07/07/2018
Holy Orders
Gareth's hopes for a win are up
as his wingers are good players
while Father Tim thinks the Cup
hinges on a wing and a prayer.
© Luigi Pagano
Footballing priest saves goals and leads prayers
07/07/2018
Gareth's hopes for a win are up
as his wingers are good players
while Father Tim thinks the Cup
hinges on a wing and a prayer.
© Luigi Pagano
Footballing priest saves goals and leads prayers
07/07/2018
London Pride
Andrew Lumsden
Stuart Feather
Let’s remember them
Forever
Marching happily
Together
Stuart Feather
Let’s remember them
Forever
Marching happily
Together
Pride of London
‘72
‘72
© S.O. Fasrus
London Pride: The friends who took part in the first march
Looking good
ICE Cold Baby
The hazard of football
Last night the Belgians,
in the land of Putin,
caused an upset
when playing Japan.
They were two goals down
but soon equalised
then put the boot in
by forcing a third goal
in the Japanese net
at the last minute
to win 3-2.
© Luigi Pagano
Last-gasp goal sees Red Devils through to last eight in thriller
02/07/2018
Mogg On the Bog
Danny Nails It
Brexit
A faux pas
Saddleworth
Happy Birthday
Unbecoming behaviour
Rats Overboard
Holier than thou
Here is the new(t)s
Self-love Island
Unexpected Walruses
Unexpected walruses have come to town,
refugees of climate crisis.
Possibly food shortages
have caused one thousand tusks
to raise like hopeful chopsticks.
Mass exodus from melting ice.
Like sardines in a tin,
unexpected walruses are moving in,
supplies of shellfish perished,
as carefully they snuggle up,
a sea of white flag waving tusks
to rest and wait and hope...
©️Janey Colbourne
Unexpected walruses crowd beach of small Alaskan village (shared by the Guardian on Twitter, today)
09/06/2018
A head for heights
and his mum's pride and joy,
has completed the climb
of the 450ft high sea stack
the Old Man of Hoy.
© Luigi Pagano
Boy, eight, youngest to climb Old Man of Hoy
08/06/2018
It's a Dog's Life
Trevor
In Burnopfield folk have long heard
the heart-felt complaints of this bird.
At first all was well -
but a peacock incel?
Now tempers, not passions are stirred.
© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley
Lovelorn peacock keeping villagers awake
05/06/2018
50 years minus sixty seconds
© Luigi Pagano
'Just A Minute' Host Nicholas Parsons Misses First Show In 50 years, To Enjoy A Day Off
02/06/2018
A massive missive
© Luigi Pagano
Kim Jong Un sent a letter to Trump. It's huge
31/05/2018
A topical clerihew
31/05/2018
Pick up your bed and walk
© Luigi Pagano
Arkady Babchenko: Ukraine condemned for faking journalist's murder
26/05/2018
tête à tête
© Luigi Pagano
Korean leaders meet in surprise summit
24/05/2018
Measure for measure
and it has to be pro rata.
© Luigi Pagano
U.S., in tit-for-tat, expels two Venezuelan envoys
21/05/2018
A sneaky move
© Luigi Pagano
Serena Williams: I wore sneakers under royal wedding outfit
19/05/2018
Make Way for Meghan
What a debacle!
When Harry married Meghan Sparkle:
the homeless evicted for the Circus Monarchal!
© Phil Coleman
M&S has changed its name to Markle & Sparkle for the royal wedding
18/05/2018
Fixed Odds
She’d always worked in mental health
But because the cuts and pressure felt
Now work’s in the betting shop
When industry cries “It’ll cost us jobs!”
She waits for the penny to drop
© Mark Coverdale
Betting machine stakes cut to £2
11/05/2018
Dizzying Heights
The council is determined
to let the house fall
because the roof is
75 centimetres too tall.
© Luigi Pagano
Midland family face having £500k home demolished - as it's 75cm too tall
10/05/2018
Trouble Brewing
Donald has upset the Scots
by banning the drink Irn-Bru
on the premises of his golf resort.
They'll take revenge on the spoilsport.
Very soon? Och aye, the noo.
© Luigi Pagano
Donald Trump Angers Scots With Ban On Irn-Bru At Luxury Golf Resort
09/05/2018
To do
Unknot hanky cap
Shuffle off socked sandals
After- sun pink bits
Anaconda squeeze life out of paddling pool
Mr. Muscle bar-b-q
Unsprinkle hose pipe
Set alarm
Early to bed
Early to rise
Don’t forget umbrella.
© Bex Tate
UK weather: Britain to cool down after bank holiday scorcher
08/05/2018
The naked truth
Mark Williams proved
that it wasn't a bluff
when he promised he would
face the press in the buff
if he won.
© Luigi Pagano
Mark Williams Goes Naked At Press Conference After World Snooker Championship Win
07/05/2018
Hell has no fury (like a rebel scorned)
Teresa may or may not
favour a hybrid custom plan
but if she follows that path
she will incur the wrath
of all Brexiteers, to a man.
© Luigi Pagano
May to risk Tory rebels wrath by pressing ahead with custom plan
03/05/2018
In the face of denial
Would Donald Trump's face
last long or melt in a thrice
if it were sculpted on ice?
© Luigi Pagano
Donald Trump's Face Could Be Carved Into An Iceberg To Prove Climate Change Is Real
30/04/2018
Home Office Haiku
The Weather: Amber
Warnings May Leads To White-Out
But No Flight Delays
© Mark Coverdale
Amber Rudd's resignation letter and Theresa May's response
30/04/2018
Changing of the Guard
Ms Rudd failed in her bid
to hang on to her brief,
therefore Sajid Javid
becomes the new chief.
© Luigi Pagano
Sajid Javid to be new home secretary
27/04/2018
Quid pro quo
It didn't take long
for The Sun to delve
into the archives of the BBC
and find a letter
from Jacob Rees-Mogg
who at the age of twelve
was interviewed and due a fee.
In it he decisively says
he'd like the unpaid sum
within 10 days.
© Luigi Pagano
The voice of the 12-year-old Jacob Rees-Mogg
26/04/2018
An ill wind and a rush to remove
Did the Home Office
have targets?
A recent report says aye
but it looks as if
they never hit the bullseye.
© Luigi Pagano
Home Office had migrant removal targets, report shows
23/04/2018
A New Arrival
The London crowd
expressed their joy
for Kate and William's
new baby boy.
That the child's name
could be Philip
was for the royalists
an added fillip.
© Luigi Pagano
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge welcomed their third child this morning.
20/04/2018
Uncivilised
Mary Beard’s
been disappeared.
However much they try
to spin it, we know why.
© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley
Mary Beard 'cut' from US version of Civilisations, fearing 'slightly creaky old lady isn't ideal for US TV'
20/04/18
Murder Most Fowl
We all knew
the dodo was dead
but not that
he'd been shot
in the head.
© Luigi Pagano
Oxford Dodo was shot in head, scans find
18/04/2018
05/07/2018
Looking good
ICE Cold Baby
The hazard of football
Last night the Belgians,
in the land of Putin,
caused an upset
when playing Japan.
They were two goals down
but soon equalised
then put the boot in
by forcing a third goal
in the Japanese net
at the last minute
to win 3-2.
© Luigi Pagano
Last-gasp goal sees Red Devils through to last eight in thriller
02/07/2018
Mogg On the Bog
Danny Nails It
Brexit
A faux pas
Saddleworth
Happy Birthday
Unbecoming behaviour
Rats Overboard
Holier than thou
Here is the new(t)s
Self-love Island
Unexpected Walruses
Unexpected walruses have come to town,
refugees of climate crisis.
Possibly food shortages
have caused one thousand tusks
to raise like hopeful chopsticks.
Mass exodus from melting ice.
Like sardines in a tin,
unexpected walruses are moving in,
supplies of shellfish perished,
as carefully they snuggle up,
a sea of white flag waving tusks
to rest and wait and hope...
©️Janey Colbourne
Unexpected walruses crowd beach of small Alaskan village (shared by the Guardian on Twitter, today)
09/06/2018
A head for heights
To raise money for charity
Edward Mills from Dunnet,
an eight-year-old boyand his mum's pride and joy,
has completed the climb
of the 450ft high sea stack
the Old Man of Hoy.
© Luigi Pagano
Boy, eight, youngest to climb Old Man of Hoy
08/06/2018
It's a Dog's Life
Trevor
In Burnopfield folk have long heard
the heart-felt complaints of this bird.
At first all was well -
but a peacock incel?
Now tempers, not passions are stirred.
© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley
Lovelorn peacock keeping villagers awake
05/06/2018
50 years minus sixty seconds
Nicholas Parsons caused
anxiety when he paused
for just a minute
and without hesitation
decided to miss the show
but now we know
he fancied a vacation
and was taking a day off.
But there won't be
repetition.
© Luigi Pagano
'Just A Minute' Host Nicholas Parsons Misses First Show In 50 years, To Enjoy A Day Off
02/06/2018
A massive missive
It's an episode that will
go down in history.
Kim Jong Un
sent Donald a letter.
We don't know whether
he'll feel worse or better
as the contents
remain a mystery.
© Luigi Pagano
Kim Jong Un sent a letter to Trump. It's huge
31/05/2018
A topical clerihew
31/05/2018
Pick up your bed and walk
The Ukrainians said
that Arkady Babchenko
came back from the dead.
Consensus is unanimous:
he must now change
his name to Lazarus.
© Luigi Pagano
Arkady Babchenko: Ukraine condemned for faking journalist's murder
26/05/2018
tête à tête
South Korea's Moon
met North Korea's Kim.
They thought of the goon,
but didn't invite him.
© Luigi Pagano
Korean leaders meet in surprise summit
24/05/2018
Measure for measure
Everyone should know that
when they expel diplomats
who are personae non grata
it is a question of tit-for-tatand it has to be pro rata.
© Luigi Pagano
U.S., in tit-for-tat, expels two Venezuelan envoys
21/05/2018
A sneaky move
Serena did recently confess
she wore sneakers under her dress
when she was Meghan's guest
in order to give her feet a rest
© Luigi Pagano
Serena Williams: I wore sneakers under royal wedding outfit
19/05/2018
Make Way for Meghan
What a debacle!
When Harry married Meghan Sparkle:
the homeless evicted for the Circus Monarchal!
© Phil Coleman
M&S has changed its name to Markle & Sparkle for the royal wedding
18/05/2018
Fixed Odds
She’d always worked in mental health
But because the cuts and pressure felt
Now work’s in the betting shop
When industry cries “It’ll cost us jobs!”
She waits for the penny to drop
© Mark Coverdale
Betting machine stakes cut to £2
11/05/2018
Dizzying Heights
The council is determined
to let the house fall
because the roof is
75 centimetres too tall.
© Luigi Pagano
Midland family face having £500k home demolished - as it's 75cm too tall
10/05/2018
Trouble Brewing
Donald has upset the Scots
by banning the drink Irn-Bru
on the premises of his golf resort.
They'll take revenge on the spoilsport.
Very soon? Och aye, the noo.
© Luigi Pagano
Donald Trump Angers Scots With Ban On Irn-Bru At Luxury Golf Resort
09/05/2018
To do
Unknot hanky cap
Shuffle off socked sandals
After- sun pink bits
Anaconda squeeze life out of paddling pool
Mr. Muscle bar-b-q
Unsprinkle hose pipe
Set alarm
Early to bed
Early to rise
Don’t forget umbrella.
© Bex Tate
UK weather: Britain to cool down after bank holiday scorcher
08/05/2018
The naked truth
Mark Williams proved
that it wasn't a bluff
when he promised he would
face the press in the buff
if he won.
© Luigi Pagano
Mark Williams Goes Naked At Press Conference After World Snooker Championship Win
07/05/2018
Hell has no fury (like a rebel scorned)
Teresa may or may not
favour a hybrid custom plan
but if she follows that path
she will incur the wrath
of all Brexiteers, to a man.
© Luigi Pagano
May to risk Tory rebels wrath by pressing ahead with custom plan
03/05/2018
In the face of denial
Would Donald Trump's face
last long or melt in a thrice
if it were sculpted on ice?
© Luigi Pagano
Donald Trump's Face Could Be Carved Into An Iceberg To Prove Climate Change Is Real
30/04/2018
Home Office Haiku
The Weather: Amber
Warnings May Leads To White-Out
But No Flight Delays
© Mark Coverdale
Amber Rudd's resignation letter and Theresa May's response
30/04/2018
Changing of the Guard
Ms Rudd failed in her bid
to hang on to her brief,
therefore Sajid Javid
becomes the new chief.
© Luigi Pagano
Sajid Javid to be new home secretary
27/04/2018
Quid pro quo
It didn't take long
for The Sun to delve
into the archives of the BBC
and find a letter
from Jacob Rees-Mogg
who at the age of twelve
was interviewed and due a fee.
In it he decisively says
he'd like the unpaid sum
within 10 days.
© Luigi Pagano
The voice of the 12-year-old Jacob Rees-Mogg
26/04/2018
An ill wind and a rush to remove
Did the Home Office
have targets?
A recent report says aye
but it looks as if
they never hit the bullseye.
© Luigi Pagano
Home Office had migrant removal targets, report shows
23/04/2018
A New Arrival
The London crowd
expressed their joy
for Kate and William's
new baby boy.
That the child's name
could be Philip
was for the royalists
an added fillip.
© Luigi Pagano
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge welcomed their third child this morning.
20/04/2018
Uncivilised
Mary Beard’s
been disappeared.
However much they try
to spin it, we know why.
© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley
Mary Beard 'cut' from US version of Civilisations, fearing 'slightly creaky old lady isn't ideal for US TV'
20/04/18
Murder Most Fowl
We all knew
the dodo was dead
but not that
he'd been shot
in the head.
© Luigi Pagano
Oxford Dodo was shot in head, scans find
18/04/2018
Ads ad infinitum
Facebook users believe
that it is the last straw
for that social media's
marketing cads
to disregard a new
EU privacy law
and bombard us
with ads.
© Luigi Pagano
15/04/2018
Using One's Loaf
For a very long time
it was taken as read
a novelty could be said
to be the best thing
since sliced bread.
But now it is felt
that it's better to say:
since the safety belt.
© Luigi Pagano
14/04/2018
Haiku
Those who lead us must
work for peace, prosperity –
or our world is dust.
© Jenni Wyn Hyatt
13/04/2018
Dis-Agreement
Mo Mowlam
told 'em.
Didn't she?
What happened to her place in history?
© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley
13/04/2018
What a mistake to make
David Schwimmer is the guy
you want to keep as a friend
but then you may say 'Hi'
to the wrong one in the end.
© Luigi Pagano
12/04/2018
Of mice and men
Three high mice. Three high mice.
See how they eat. See how they eat.
They were found by cops on the beat,
- who happened to be on the scene by chance -
to have ingested a narcotic substance.
One could cut the atmosphere with a knife.
Has anyone heard such a tale in their life?
© Luigi Pagano
12/04/2018
Dawn Chorus
Once upon
a birdsong
Tweet was a
sweet thing
Good friends with
Chirp, Chirrup, Trill and Coo
Must have had a bust up
Tweet’s turned sour!!
Odious
Not
Melodious
a birdsong
Tweet was a
sweet thing
Good friends with
Chirp, Chirrup, Trill and Coo
Must have had a bust up
Tweet’s turned sour!!
Odious
Not
Melodious
© Bex Tate
10/04/2018
Fun but not in the sun
The Queen and the naturalist
strolling around the Palace ground
were amused by what they found:
a sundial oddly placed in the shade.
© Luigi Pagano
09/04/2018
Shame-facedbook
Hooked to*
The Book
We seem prepared
To overlook
Its indiscretions
© Bex Tate
*Facebook- the name of a website where you can show information about yourself, and communicate
with groups of friends - (Cambridge Dictionary)
08/04/2018
Bridge Over Troubled Waters
Harris Webb wrote of "two lands
Connected by a bridge a river wide".
But the choice of it's name
Must be for the people to decide.
© Phil Knight
06/04/2018
Last Throw
Eric Bristow
rarely missed. So
much a master of his fate he
left with a score of 180.
© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley
06/04/2018
Whale Song
We
Who think we know everything
Are in the dark
About whales that sing
They
Sing their songs
Of love and loss
Of humans
Who don’t seem
To give a toss!
© Bex Tate
05/04/2018
Facebook's 'huge mistake'
Oops, Mr Sugar-Mountain!
With 87 million friends like yours,
who needs enemies?
© Mandy Macdonald
05/04/2018
Sprouting Health
A shout out
For the brussel sprout
Not only do they make you fart
But also they protect your heart!!
© Bex Tate
04/04/2018
American troops to guard Mexican border
Pitch American troops
against our enemy’s troops
or at least against armed terrorists.
To pitch them against Mexican civilians
insults American troops.
© Richard Devereux
03/04/2018
#paymetoo
I say, I say, I say...
Do the Queen
and Mrs May
also get less pay?
Oh
how
crap
is the gap
that pays
more to a chap!!
© Bex Tate
02/04/2018
In at the deep end
A lagoon in Sarasota
had low levels of water
which wasn’t enough
for an aquatic reptile
and it cramped his style.
He kept his cool
and headed straight
for a swimming pool.
But animal trappers
a few hours later
removed the alligator.
© Luigi Pagano
02/04/2018
Royal protocol
William and Kate were late
For Church, the BBC news reported.
Unheard of, for lower Royals to supercede
The Queen
Who was already seated.
Harry and Meghan were not there-
Another engagement,
Not upholding
Duties to the CofE
The cost of Royalty-
We know their movements.
Another engagement,
Not upholding
Duties to the CofE
The cost of Royalty-
We know their movements.
And this is probably Kate's last public outing
Before baby number three.
Before baby number three.
© Amanda Derry
01/04/2018
Eddie Izzard joins Labour's Ruling Party
Some Labour supporters say
He's just a gimmick,
People will only follow him
Because he's a celebrity.
Well, I think he's funny
I've watched his marathon
In South Africa for Nelson Mandela,
He has my vote.
© Amanda Derry
31/03/2018
Up-skirting
Kneel on the desk so your skirt can be measured.
Six inches was the limit.
Even that was pretty edgy
if we bent over or sat cross-legged.
Some girls made a meal of it teasing
'enjoy the view boys'.
Now the boys and girls have to go to
different lengths.
© Pat Edwards
30/03/2018
Upon My Soul
Pope Francis, it seems,
wanted to tell
that after death
there is no hell
and it was clear
the departed soul
will just disappear.
© Luigi Pagano
29/03/2018
Out of Step
Regarding term-time holidays
UK schools have zero tolerance.
Absences should only be granted
in "exceptional circumstances",
it’s stated in the official guidance.
The rules prevent some children
from taking external exams,
says the Royal Academy of Dance,
the authorities are far too rigid
and should alter their stance.
© Luigi Pagano
29/03/2018
The Polish Girl
The photographer saw you
Beaten by the female Kapo
Your eyes don't understand why you were there
Neither do we;
As your colourised self brings you
Into the Twenty-first Century.
© Amanda Derry
25/03/2018
Not Cricket
Malcom Turnbull
exclaimed strewth
when he heard the truth
about the Aussies cheating
at cricket by tampering
the ball while playing
South Africa.
© Luigi Pagano
22/03/2018
About 20
About 20
it said in the paper
about 20 ...
about 20
beating hearts
about 20
pairs of eyes
pairs of feet
pairs of hands
that’s about 40
hands altogether.
About 10
little hands
about 10...
lost their grip
that’s about 100
little fingers altogether
lost ... their ... grip.
© Bex Tate
21/03/2018
How to influence friends
Facebook is accused
of providing millions
of personal data
that were used
for reasons not analytical
but highly political.
To influence U.S. voters
in favour of Don.
FB users now wonder
if it was a big con
or if it was a mishap
due to a rogue app.
© Luigi Pagano
19/03/2018
Peace, man
If we could prove that the place
where the stock of the gas Novichock
came from was not Russia
we may start to believe that Putin
doesn’t want an arms race.
© Luigi Pagano
18/03/2018
Unczchecked Claims
The Czechs had a shock
when Maria Zakharova,
the Russian spokeswoman,
had the nerve to suggest
that they were the ones
who had manufactured
the nerve gas Novichock.
© Luigi Pagano
18/03/2018
Heartache
A and E
E C G
“Nothing abnormal to report"
"Go home and get some rest”
Home
is where the heart is ...
somewhere among the rubble...
© Bex Tate
17/03/2018
What a Choice!
Which would you choose,
cute polar bear child,
If you had any choice,
which you haven’t, of course,
to survive in captivity
or starve in the wild?
© Jenni Wyn Hyatt
16/03/2018
Avochaos
Ten thousand tickets
evaporate
Millennial meltdown
Now you can go to work
on an avocado
If you can find one, that is.
© Katy Konrad
16/03/2018
Paws for thought
Was the ref too hard
when he took a tough line?
He didn’t need persuasion
to show the yellow card
to a wandering ginger feline
for pitch invasion.
© Luigi Pagano
16/03/2018
Meghan
Megan Sparkles does her thing,
Taking selfies, holding hands and hugging
She may need to be less American
But Di did it socially;
Close contact is the new royalty.
© Amanda Derry
15/03/2018
No child’s play
I am annoyed
that Toys ‘R’ Us
has left a void
in the market of toys
for girls and boys.
© Luigi Pagano
13/03/2018
Ken Dodd
A comic genius
from Liverpool,
an entertainer
of the old school
who obliged
his audiences
with an encore,
with an encore,
is sadly no more.
© Luigi Pagano
12/03/2018
A Haiku
spring ice-break-up
in harbours: can aging brains
make new neurons?
© E.E. Nobbs
11/03/2018
Horsing Around
Into a night club in Miami Beach
on Friday night galloped a horse.
But other animals aiming to reach
the dance floor will be prevented.
For safety reasons, of course.
© Luigi Pagano
09/03/2018
On The Ball
Arsene and Arsenal
came out with all guns blazing
and by beating AC Milan
achieved something amazing.
© Luigi Pagano
07/03/2018
On the Rebound
Empty nesters
do feel a pang
when their kids,
who had left,
boomerang.
© Luigi Pagano
06/03/2018
Tattoo, not voodoo
As far as we can tell
Emma Watson,
unlike Hermione Granger,
is a stranger
to the right spell.
© Luigi Pagano
06/03/2018
The Politics of Snow
Faced with the incipient thaw
a triangle of snow trembles
on the roof of the return
and, for days, evades
the rheumy eye of the sun,
puts off the inevitable,
when it will parse itself
first, into a filigree of ice
and then, a seemingly infinite
drip, sub-dividing time,
its soft, restive tone
neither inside nor out.
© Maurice Devitt
06/03/2018
Trevor Baylis
He said; "I've got this big idea"
And Mandela thought it grand
Radios with no need of power
But you can't be serious Trev
I mean; it must be a wind up!
© Peter Wright
05/03/2018
Tit for Tat
We'll tax Levi jeans and Bourbon
An EU official said,
If the US taxes our cars
We'll hit them like a ton of lead;
For it's tit for tat and tat for tit
When economies are in the red,
So less motoring or sinking shots in bars,
We'll stay home and drink our own stuff instead.
© David Subacchi
05/03/2018
Exit Poll
It looks as if
in Italy too
the voters sniff
at the EU.
© Luigi Pagano
03/03/2018
Katarina Johnson-Thompson’s victory
K.J.T.’s success is noble.
Having won a gold
at the Birmingham games,
she’s gone global.
© Luigi Pagano
03/03/2018
Yesterday’s Raven
is different under its inky quills. Its thick beak
questions origins. Its shaggy shanks and glossy beard
identify it to close kin; those kin othering Not Kin
as pointlessly as Jim Crow in the deep south,
as subtly as Christian sects in Derry,
once upon a trouble. Common as crows
round cowpats: adolescents challenging taboos,
choosing mates beyond boundaries.
02/03/2018
A Royal Command Performance?
If Prince Harry
has to marry
must the invitations
comprise an exercise in public relations?
© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley
02/03/2018
To err is human
Tony Blair is one of a pair
who say that the Brits
have made a mistake:
they can’t have and eat
the coveted cake.
01/03/2018
Confirming the Theory
On the ten-pound notes
there is no doubt
that the fittest survives:
Jane Austen is in,
Charles Darwin is out.
© Luigi Pagano 2018
01/03/2018
A Clerihew
Theresa May
hangs on day by day.
It’s OK. If she loses her job
well hubby is worth a few bob.
© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley
27/02/2018
Stormy weather (a haiku)
Whipping up a storm
Your words may fall on deaf ears
So make their ears burn
© Bex Tate
27/02/2018
Frozen Out
We hit them with sanctions
and the Russians were aghast.
Now they take their revenge
by sending to Europe
a Siberian icy blast.
© Luigi Pagano 2018
26/02/2018
Hamster's Dandruff - A Tanka
There’s hamster’s dandruff
In the smoke so chances are
That halts will grind to
I’ll bank on this I ask what
Ever happened to Shank’s?
© Mark Coverdale
25/02/2018
Bulletproof
‘Give the teachers guns’
He said
While the rest of the world
Couldn’t believe what they were
hearing.
His words were bulletproof
If only their lives had been too.
© Katy Konrad
24/02/2018
Gun-Adept
I've trained for my mission.
Checked my guns, my ammunition,
scouted the entrance, the classrooms, the hall,
planned my escape round the swimming pool wall.
Reviewed all the details to every last feature.
So first to die must now be the teacher.
Letters of Apology
The repentant franchise KFC
thought that it would be O.K.
to say sorry in a cheeky way
so they switched their initials
which now read EF-CEE-KAY.
© Luigi Pagano 2018
21/02/2018
Fowl Play
KFC made a clean breast of it,
they didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Chicken shortage caused a crisis:
a widespread restaurant shutdown.
Supply hangs on a wing and a prayer.
© Luigi Pagano 2018
20/02/2018
Pukka Problems
Jamie sits and ponders
As his Italian empire crumbles
The restaurant trade is overcooked
Now the Pukka Prince of Essex sighs
Bish, bash, bosh; bye bye Barbecoa
© Peter Wright
20/02/2018
The Law of Diminishing Returns
When the football match started
there were twenty-two fellows
but after nine reds and eight yellows
the teams went for an early bath
as the referee could do the math.
© Luigi Pagano 2018
Turbulence
There was a young passenger full of the wind.
Some Dutchmen thought he had sinned.
He blasted and blasted
While the flight lasted.
But it was the poor suffering Dutchmen who got binned.
© Phil Knight
18/02/2018
Lost in translation
The message from Russia
should have read thus:
Note: Don is a chump.
But it was translated as:
Vote for Donald Trump.
© Luigi Pagano 2018
18/02/2018
Eco Warrior with a Brolly
The seasons are getting wetter and wetter
And Paris has nearly drowned this year
So let’s give thanks to Thierry Millet
Europe’s last artisan umbrella repair man
He fixes broken brollies; to save the world
© Peter Wright
17/02/2018
That's more like it, Foreign Secretary
You didn't play BoJo the buffoon courting publicity,
didn't cycle round Myanmar with a safety helmet stuck
like a pudding basin on your custard hair, but trailed
through a burned-out Rohingyan village, held a child's
charred bike and contorted your face in genuine grief.
© Sheila Jacob
17/02/2018
Party-piece
She fancied the idea, she said
So after dinner cut off her small finger
And put it next to some frozen peas.
"I decided I could live without it",
Laughing: "Everyone knows, I take nothing seriously!"
© Amanda Derry
Body modifier chops off her own little finger to wear as a
necklace, and covers her stump with tiny hats
17/02/2018
necklace, and covers her stump with tiny hats
17/02/2018
Eruptions
The Brits won the first gold
in the skeleton with Lizzy Yarnold.
In its wake, we were told,
the fans erupted with joy
and the UK felt a minor earthquake.
© Luigi Pagano 2018
The Silencer
St Valentine’s Day 2018
Children’s shrill voices carry on the wind
from the safe playground of the village school.
In Florida a teen with troubled mind,
who had too easy access to a gun,
hushed seventeen voices, thinking it was cool,
a silence that can never be undone.
© Jenni Wyn Hyatt
Just Saying
Here's Hannah, Oz's latest crush.
At sixteen stone 'she's' dangerous.
So common sense dictates 'she' ought
to stay away from women's sport.
No Sex Please, We are Aussies
The Aussie Prime Minister said
that Barnaby Joyce made a gaffe
when he had an adulterous affair
with a woman working with him,
so now he’ll ban sex between staff.
© Luigi Pagano 2018
A Tidy Sum
Most people say
there’s no way
Gordon’s salary
of 2.2 millions
can be O.K.
© Luigi Pagano 2018
Valentine’s Day in Pyeongchang
Romantic rituals last for months,
12/02/2018
09/02/2018
complex mathematics, Oldbury
as women buy men chocolates,
men buy women oodles
of Chupa Chups lollipops
and the singletons eat black noodles.
© Luigi Pagano
Syrian Children
As I walked back from the pub tonight
in my thermal hat, thermal gloves, vest, hairy shirt,
snow-flake sweater and padded jacket,
the cold cut my cheeks above the beard-line, I thought
of the Syrian children in the snow in their summer clothes.
© Richard Devereux
12/02/2018
A Sartorial setback
As her routine was about to begin
South Korean ice skater Yura Min
committed a cardinal sin:
the hook on her top came undone
otherwise she may have won.
Fatbergs
Monsters lurk deep under ground
that outweigh the dark matter we've found.
If you want you can see 'em at London's Museum,
air-dried and off-gassed, by the pound.
that outweigh the dark matter we've found.
If you want you can see 'em at London's Museum,
air-dried and off-gassed, by the pound.
Ode to hamster
You were my friend, my support
In times of distress including air travel.
But they said you cannot come on board
So I crouch in this toilet cubicle
You peek out of my hand faithfully.
In times of distress including air travel.
But they said you cannot come on board
So I crouch in this toilet cubicle
You peek out of my hand faithfully.
09/02/2018
When X is minus 13%
Z the square root of sod all
calculate the value of Y
