In Brief... 2018


Chaos in Britain and abroad

The Earth formed of chaos;
A matter explosion
From there, humanity sprang
The beginnings of intellect
We went backwards
No need for panic-
From chaos another humanity
Shall arise


Vivat Rex

Born in 1936, our Rex
an old fashioned movie house.
was not a multiplex .
For a few years it was alive
but eventually expired
in nineteen-eighty-five.
We treasured our ‘king ’
and its closure to all of us
was a painful sting.
We waited with patience
for many years, in silence.
Now the gods have spoken:
the Rex once again is open.

© Luigi Pagano


A runaway caper

It is not a dreadnought
but a dreadful drone
that's driving us mad.
No one knows who
is controlling the craft.
If it is a callous cad
or a simpleton, daft,
who doesn't realise
that this risky object
endangers the skies
and puts in jeopardy
anyone who flies.

© Luigi Pagano


An unreal protocol

I don't know about you
but I don't care if Meghan
has given up meat
and she's now a vegan.
Also I find it very hard
to get excited by what
her half brother Thomas
wrote in his Xmas card.

© Luigi Pagano


Nobody wants to buy the last Christmas tree (sniff)

I am the last tree in the forecourt;
A week before Christmas-
There weren't many of us anyhow
A recession ten years ago
(That's how long it takes for us to grow)
Meant that less trees were planted.

I wait, feeling like the last child collected from school-
Don't be put off as
I've been rejected
And my grower thinks I'm a write off,
There's life in these needles of mine


No way, Jose

Although he boasted
that he was the best
he failed to pass
the ultimate test.
It seems that he was
far too short-sighted
for that famous team
Manchester United.
His attitude was felt
by every Mancunian
to be out of touch
and antediluvian.

© Luigi Pagano


(In)action Man

My knowledge of biology
has always been hazy
so it is quite a relief
to learn I am not lazy.
My immune system
has been hyperactive
and that's why my body
is constantly inactive.

© Luigi Pagano


Noise attack

Wear earplugs-
If you're at an open air gin festival
With decibels drifting over
Nearby residences,
It's the locals themselves
Who'll probably pop in the sponges.
DJ's playing in enclosed bar spaces-
After a few rum cocktails you won't notice
They've pumped the volume up,
And those aren't church bells
Ringing outside.

© Amanda Derry


No News Is Good News

The news
is no use 
as a muse
all this news
it just gives 
me the blues

© Bex Tate

Negative media headlines are fuelling racism in football

What Gives with the Negative Meghan Markle Reports?

Carpetright losses widen as 'negative headlines' hit sales


The great escape

There is a convent
which nuns inhabit
where two of them
acquired a bad habit.
As the treasury had
a considerable sum
the sisters decided
they would get some.
They leapt about
in a playful gambol
took five-hundred K
to travel and gamble.
For this piteous pair
the future looked bleak
but by avoiding jail
they had a lucky streak.

© Luigi Pagano


It's Dark Satire

Iain Duncan Smith
Is donating sugar
Irony dies, suffocating
In demonic smile

© Janine Booth


United States Incarceration Rates

two point three
million prisoners
in the land of the free

© Janey Colbourne


Now we are six

Lower the voting age to six
The academic said;
It will recorrect imbalances at the other end
Where you can vote at sixty, seventy, eighty-
There is no cut off point.
Children have sensibilities-
They wouldn't have voted for Brexit or Trump
Give six year olds the vote,
Why not.

© Amanda Derry


An effigy too far

Leave a memorial,
The hotel was told
So it did a conscientious job,
Outlining every detail-
Including a lager can.
If the commission
Had been in Britain
The likelihood is that cultural sensibilities
Would have been more sympathetic;
What may be a fitting tribute in Jamaica
Led to shock and condemnation
Plus, a full refund from the travel agents.


A nasal invasion

It would appear that the monk seal
is a unique mammal among those
who can truly say that a slippery eel
is something that gets up their nose.

© Luigi Pagano

Endangered Hawaiian monk seals face new challenge: eels stuck up their noses


Networks are down

My phone is possessed;
I'm receiving multiple messages
With difficulty sending,
It's disconcerting.
Imagine a world where all networks
Went down.
Considering mobiles are a main culprit
Of relationship break-ups
They keep us connected
We are globally popular.

© Amanda Derry


Air Space

She left empty air space behind
I can't keep up this show, she thought.
She would light a room up when she walked into it,
Was her step-father's elegiac response.

© Amanda Derry


No same-sex groups here

Harvard doesn't like single sex clubs
Grounds for plotting against the opposite gender,
Men will form elite sexist sororities,
Women will confer against the male of the species
Students should not choose the company they keep,
We are in the education age of inclusion and equality
...after all.


Tumbling down

Censorship has clamped
It's claws on social media;
No nasties or fetish allowed.
But it isn't porn in the mainstream sense,
Say the LGBT crowd-
It's marginalised so it's ok.
Porn aimed towards traditionalists
Is misogynistic and passe
Explicit erotic content according to fetishists
Is art and personal expression;
Minorities once again, have been cast out.


And the winner is Ms. Hegerberg
“Do you know how to twerk?”
And the loser is you mate
She plays football
You jerk!!

© Bex Tate


Sitting on the fence

I have to admit it's a great relief
that it is up to the courts of law
and not me to decide if veganism
is a philosophical religious belief.

© Luigi Pagano


Hot gossip

Tabloid desperation
For gossip and beration;
Something has to wrong
With the fairytale dream.
Meghan will take her 20k collection
Of designer heels
Toss that mane
And say,
People close to me ground me,
The rest is just noise.


A fair cop

In California a brown bear
gave the police a great scare
before he was chased away.
He only wanted to say,
hello... hello... hello...
but thought it wiser to go.

© Luigi Pagano


The dying swan

Television on Saturday
is strictly for those
who watch twinkle-toes
on the dance floor.
Some swan around
in a slow waltz
others quickstep
in quadruple time.
To be eliminated
is the ultimate crime
which the judges
will severely slam
and that's what happened
to ex-cricketer Graeme.

© Luigi Pagano



What do you think,
said Harry to Meg,
should we now move
to a council flat?
Don't be ridiculous,
I don't fancy that
not only because
it would be too small,
it would also break
the royal protocol.

© Luigi Pagano



Perhaps you would like

to hear what Mike,

a meteorologist, said

from the top of his head

to describe a snowman

while remaining deadpan:

he called it a snow person

and things may worsen

if he doesn't explain why

he hasn't said if it's a guy

or a lass of certain sex;

whether it's an XY or XX.

© Luigi Pagano



curb the urge
political purge

Mao Zedong
told you once
canine owner?
bourgeois dunce!

friends of dogs
in the dark
counter-revolution seeks

© S.O. Fasrus

Chinese city bans dog walking in daylight hours


The rake's progress

When the Finn president
described to Donald Trump
how they managed their wood,
He said the American chump
misheard or misunderstood
or he wasn't completely awake
as he had not mentioned a rake.

© Luigi Pagano 2018


Universal Discredit



© Bex Tate


An overnight declaration

Theresa May vows
to dig in like Geoff
and remains deaf
to the many rows
caused by her plan
which seems likely
to go down the pan.

© Luigi Pagano


Writ Plain

...Since we’ve
The dust’
Our jaws
Have grown
The most

© Stefanie Bennett



Out pop those willing
Joeys from the prep school purse
White anchovies who
Eyeball each other bet on
Number 10 and who'll go first

© Mark Coverdale

Young Tories' night of shame: Students sport 'f*** the NHS' slogan, Hitler moustache and make dodgy hand gesture


Just the ticket?

The British Heart Foundation,

with the best of intentions,

offers high blood pressure tests

in salons, pubs and train stations.

But the latter is the worst place

to conduct such health checks

considering that passengers face

high fares, delays, cancellations;

the very cause of hypertension.

© Luigi Pagano


Boris Trumps

Anything May can do
I can do better
I can do any deal
Better than May

No you can’t
Yes I Can

© S. O. Fasrus

Boris Johnson sets out his 'Super Canada' Brexit plan


An Event of Great Importance

There was a young woman who closed a car door.
They say it never ever happened before.
The people were shocked,
Her critics were mocked,
And the BBC cried please, please gives us more.

© Phil Knight

Meghan closes a car door


Democracy at work

This is a government
that we don't like;
they are very cruel
and lack goodwill.
Let's kick them out
via a general strike
even if the country
comes to a standstill.

© Luigi Pagano


The bare facts

I have read it in the papers
and watched it on the box:
six hundred people naked
to welcome the equinox.
But this massive nudity
was all in aid of charity.

© Luigi Pagano


Punch and counterpunch

There doesn't seem to be
an alternative prospect
to the Chequers deal
devised by the cabinet
with the utmost zeal
but which in Brussels
has failed to appeal
and one that Europe
has decided to reject
without showing the PM
the appropriate respect
but she has responded
with true British phlegm.

© Luigi Pagano


Bert & Ernie

There were 2 in a bed
so the viewers all said:
So they both rolled their eyes:

they cried!

© S. O. Fasrus

Bert and Ernie are not gay, says Sesame Street organisation as writer's claim denied


Off Course

Theresa May's brexit plan
is said to be chequered
but it looks more and more
that it is in fact knackered.

© Luigi Pagano


Halloween comes early

Child's voice drifting
Over Ipswich
From spiders running across
Company security sensors;
Residents getting
Ingenious way
To target trespassers.

© Amanda Derry

Spooky Nighttime Children's Voices Turned Out To Be Something Even Creepier Than Ghosts



Richard Branson
Swings in a hammock

the pillock!

© S. O. Fasrus

British billionaire Branson among advisers for Saudi Red Sea tourism project


Lingua franca

I remember Ted Heath, by jingo,
trying to speak the French lingo;
it was not a success, to be blunt.
At the podium steps Jeremy Hunt
who says he will speak Japanese.
I can't help it but I feel ill at ease.

© Luigi Pagano



Brum Brum
foot off the peddle
3 days to work
4 days to diddle

© S. O. Fasrus

Jaguar workers put on three-day week until Christmas


A tale of five squirrels

Twisted and tangled
And all in a knot
Five little squirrels
In a pickle
Had got

© Bex Tate

A tale of five squirrels: vets untangle 'Gordian Knot' of rodents


Phone alert

Nearly every cellphone owner
Will receive a national security text
From the President of the United States
Just testing, it will say, in case of a
National Emergency
As if the myriad of other social contact
Wasn't enough
No one can opt out-
Personal data protection doesn't apply
For the Government.


Trouble at t' mill

Gina Miller wants to end chaos.
She's the one who went to court
to make sure Parliament was boss
when voting on leaving the EU.
Now she says that politicians are
“stuck in their Westminster bubble
and wants to take them to task
But one is entitled to ask
if she's bent on causing trouble.

© Luigi Pagano


No more fight with Kryptonite

Devoted fans of Superman,
played by the actor Henry Cavill,
have been reported to be agape
hearing he was hanging his cape
but had to swallow the bitter pill.

© Luigi Pagano


Answers on a postcard

I am sorry sisters
I find it sinister
that you want the right
to be loutish and badmouth
a tennis umpire
because your male
counterparts do the same.
When you raise banners
demanding equality
are you saying that
to be equal to them
you are prepared
to sanction bad manners?

© Luigi Pagano


Rants, jeers and tears

Serena Williams was not serene
as she confronted the tennis umpire
whom she accused of being mean,
unfair and sexist, a thief and a liar.

© Luigi Pagano


A Flaming Torch Dressed in Peaceful Flowers

You can hide the flaming torch
behind a blue and yellow daisy
but Sweden’s memory
needn’t be so short
lazy voters and lazy thinkers.
I hear you refusing to make difficult choices -
claiming neutrality
was never neutral, and by doing so you must know you are complicit.

Call yourself non-political, anarchist, or fence sitter,
sometimes you need to take a stand.
You can hide behind your flower of peace
but I will always save my deepest contempt
for all who refuse to take sides.
Let’s remember how Hitler’s army was allowed to tramp
through Sweden
on the not so very long journey
to nazify Norway.

Hard choices were always hard choices.

© S. O. Fasrus

Swedish election: Vote begins amid anti-immigration surge


Lend me your ear

Rumours of a royal
pregnancy swirl.
I hope that I
don't seem disloyal
if I say: Atta girl!

© Luigi Pagano


We can do better

(with apologies to Conor Maynard)

We can do it better than you, Donald,
Better than, much better than you.
We can tell you that we're watching you
And let you know we're not loving everything we see.
The way you act is a proof you're crazy
We'll make you wanna dance with us
You've been walking 'round like you just don't care
Got everybody thinkin' you are a true player
But your time is up.
I see you staring but you know, don't you,
That it would be better if you were to go.

© Luigi Pagano


President Non-Grata

They’re calling you President Non-Grata
we watch you pout and hiss and bare your teeth
a fake-tan version of the prisoner in Silence of the Lambs

It’s easy to see clearly without the fog of feeling
you know they can’t get at a man who doesn’t care
we know we won’t hurt a man with a reinforced screen of vanity

We can always incite your anger, though
knowing your last word will dissolve us in a pool of gall.

President Non-Grata President Non-Grata
We can keep you from weddings and funerals.
but you’ll carry on forging your own rites of passage.

© S. O. Fasrus

President non grata: Trump often unwelcome and unwilling to perform basic rituals of the office



Alopecia is the new rock and roll
if bushy eyebrows made a come back
and thin may no longer be in
and plump could be the new to die for.
Bring on the enticing facial moles
and the big black dress.
Make sure bingo wings are in the frame
we aim to rebrand and it’s grand -
remember what Rubens did for the fuller figure?
and what the pre-raphaelites did for ginger!

Bald heads rock. Bald is edgy -
work with me on this.


© S. O. Fasrus

Making hair loss 'fashionable'


Chips with everything

Nigella Lawson went to a Glasgow's
fish and chips shop, the Blue Lagoon,
ate their pommes frites there and then,
said they were exquisite and vinegary
and that now she was over the moon.

© Luigi Pagano


My Beautiful Balloon

The balloon making industry is showing a significant upsurge.
After laying off over 200 workers less than a year ago
there has been a turnaround
with retail outlets showing high demand for the product.
The industry believes the Trump Blimp,
floated during the American President’s visit,
followed in recent days
by the proposed floating of the Sadiq Khan bikini clad blimp,
has contributed to the rise in demand.
A trend for bespoke life sized blimps,
not merely for protest,
but for cultural events and big family occasions
such as weddings and baptisms,
has pushed business up by 60%.
The sector is ballooning.

© S. O. Fasrus

When and where to see the Sadiq Khan balloon and why the blimp shows the mayor in a yellow bikini


Wonga has gone wrong - ah!

Many people will dance the Conga
having heard of the collapse of Wonga
They will say, “Serves them right
as they exploited the paupers' plight”.
The shareholders, it would appear,
are the only ones to shed any tear.

© Luigi Pagano


Wretched Dancer (After Mark Knopfler!)

I'm your wretched dancer,
a dancer for trade deals
and any old brexit will do.

© Harry Gallagher

Theresa May busts out dance moves one more time on Africa trip




© S. O. Fasrus

UK defends scallop boats after clashes with French vessels


Artificial intelligence

A robot that watches
as you cross the road
to make sure pedestrians
follow the Green Cross code
is now being tested
by Jaguar Land Rover.
But does it also guide
the eponymous chickens
who always cross over
to the other side,
but we don't know why?

© Luigi Pagano


No Nafs

We’ll be getting rid of the name Nafta
not a good name -
bad connotations, bad, very bad.
I know about brands, believe me.
words starting with 'naf'
can give the wrong idea.
I know a lot of words, believe me
and ‘naff,’ is a bad one.
It’s not the sort of word this President wants to be associated with.
Bad connotations, not good, not good.
You got to be really stupid to come up with a bad name like that.

© S. O. Fasrus


On a tightrope

We mope with the Pope
who is trying to cope
with clergy who grope
and he has plenty of scope
but we must hope
he isn't on a slippery slope.

© Luigi Pagano


Cnoc Mhuire

Jesus Joseph and Mary,
a showing in Knock long ago,
John the Evangelist

quite large

as apparitions go,


© S. O. Fasrus

Papal visit: Pope ends historic visit to Ireland



We’re Scandi-Sperm
The future is fair
Tall and white skinned
Slim with blonde hair

© S. O. Fasrus

Government raises fears about shortage of donated SPERM if there is no Brexit deal because we import so much from Denmark


Men of England Take Stand

Man of England lend a hand
Now's the time to take a stand.
Don't give in to Brexit defeat,
Be like Nelson and the fleet.
Unfurl the flag, rig the mast,
Do the motions quick and fast.
Remember Churchill's big cigar
Make a contribution a bit bizarre.
They did it, King Alfred and Robin Hood
But you can do it for the nation's good.

And every drop of milk of man
Will be frozen in a special can.
So don't waste that national seed
Go to the sperm bank at top speed
And your favourite form of behaviour
Will be your nation's future saviour.

© Phil Knight

Government raises fears about shortage of donated SPERM if there is no Brexit deal because we import so much from Denmark


A chain reaction

The senior auctioneer valuer said,
“there is no chain to worry about,
particularly if you are flush with cash”
but people like us without any stash
can only reply, “pull the other one”.

© Luigi Pagano


Sexist Poem Washed Away by Serendipidous Swansea Rain

Pavement poet’s pavement poems pretty personal
personal poems plotting personal publicity pretty poor
persons perturbed by pavement poet's poem planning purging pernicious poem
but improper pernicious pavement poem purged by downpour previously.

© S. O. Fasrus

He's had an asbo and police called on him, but this man is still writing poetry on Welsh pavements


Poets welcome in Swansea

Pavement poet picked a pavement for a pavement poem
poems penned on pavements the pavement poet picked
particular pavements for particular poems penned on pavements
Particularly pursuing particular pavements for particular poems

© S. O. Fasrus

He's had an asbo and police called on him, but this man is still writing poetry on Welsh pavements


Ways and means

Do you remember the gangster Al Capone?
Could not be convicted on murders alone
so to make certain of his incarceration
they charged him with income tax evasion.
There are people who whoop and applaud
as Donald's associates are guilty of fraud.
They take for granted that Donald Trump
is guilty as well and is for the high jump.

© Luigi Pagano


It stinks

Doesn't matter if anyone around him is indicted
Colluding with Russians or has fixed
Election results
For the 'candidate' they were working with
At the time- no, no links
And paying off play bunnies
Was just incidental
Never mind,
Any large corporations
That handed them tips.
Machinations and motives
Behind Governmental dealings
And don't get me onto Brexit.

© Amanda Derry


Broken Dreams

There you are Silent Sam
high on your base
Icon of slavery
long out of place
here we come Silent Sam
history’s cast
we’re going to shatter
effronteries past

Down you come Silent Sam
winds of change blowing
Confederate Daughters
weep prayers at your going
staggering - tumbling
Your last bugle call
down you come Silent Sam
Silent Sam fall.

© S. O. Fasrus

North Carolina: protesters pull down Confederate statue at university


Perfect timing

I am all in favour of flexibility,
it my idea of serendipity.
It would suit me fine
to start at nine
and finishing at nine-0-five
would be divine.

© Luigi Pagano


Food for thought

Come on U.K. citizens, you better hurry
and drop the dishes you've appropriated:
tikka masala; tandoori; and vindaloo too.
They are Indian recipes - not British curry -
and therefore don't belong to you.

© Luigi Pagano


Pug Appeal

The Pug said my owner’s a Nazi,
he gave me a
Hitler salute,
with a finger moustache
I was off like a flash
to hide,
lest he put in the boot.

Last night I endured Nazi training,
this indoctrination is vile;
I salute with my paw,
please call in the
I’ve now got to bark the Sieg Heil.

© S. O. Fasrus

‘Nazi Pug’ Comedian Count Dankula Vows to Defy Court in Freedom of Speech Spat


Digging for gold

The gold ring that was lost
has been found on a carrot.
I wonder if this vegetable
is now measured in carats.

© Luigi Pagano


From Russia with barb

At the Fringe Alyokhina and the Pussy Riot
show that friends of Vladimir they are not.
They indulge in loud screaming and rants
and sing songs like “Putin peed his pants”.

© Luigi Pagano


We Are Snowflake

We are softy snowflakes
all out on our own
nazis say we're white and wet
they are hard as stone.

Quell the dread, if big boots tread,
we melt and form a torrent
dissolve and merge - look out we surge
when nazis are the current.

© S. O. Fasrus

Hungary’s Leader Was Shunned by Obama, but Has a Friend in Trump


Caught Short

There was a desperate young Poet in Abergavenny
Who could find nowhere in town to spend a penny.
Swansea was the same .
But who was blame?
The Councils have turned Britain into a looless tyranny.

© Phil Knight


Overcrowded Cornwall

I am really sorry but Cornwall is full
I know it is lovely, a holiday pull
But too many people have come for the sun
And stopped it from being a place of real fun
There's far too much traffic, and tourists in cars
Cause chaos and somehow the ambience mars
We can't get to work, we are frequently late
Emergency vehicles in queues have to wait
And so Visit Cornwall says please don't come here
Perhaps visit Devon? It's lovely, and near!

© Lesley Webb

Cornwall hit by 'tourist overcrowding' amid UK heatwave


Ezra Pounded

Gertrude Stein said Ezra Pound's
a village explainer, all around
less intellect than verbal spillage
though perfectly fine if you're a village!

© S. O. Fasrus

Ezra Pound wrote the world’s single greatest poem, but is it wrong to love a fascist?



A Wholphin is having a whale of a time
smiling while diving in ocean brine
with a prominent beak
a blue-grey streak

and a blowhole:0

© S. O. Fasrus


Baby- Eichhörnchen 🐿

A squirrelette who'd lost her mum
Got Friedrich von Bloggs on the run
The little mite
Caused such a fright
The Police were called to put things right

© Bex Tate


Sand Ahoy!
Ostrich Syndrome's on the rise,
heads up daft-bird - open eyes
Far Right’s out to organise:


© S. O. Fasrus


Birds of a feather

The people of Barnstaple saw
a seagull with pink feathers
and exclaimed “by jingo!”
we hope that he hasn't mated
with a flaming flamingo.

© Luigi Pagano


Polar Bear Share

Phoney baloney
life can be shite
stuck on a mini size
ice cube all night.

Big fluffy coat -
destined to swelter,
iceberg floats by
arse; it's a melter!

© S. O. Fasrus


Boris on Burkas

No need to apologise
I’ve tried a burka on for size
silky black with a slot for eyes

Bags of style but slightly dangerous
hope you all won’t think me traitorous

Comfort, and covert and floaty
Hope this doesn’t get your goaty

© S. O. Fasrus

Tory peer: Remove whip from Boris Johnson over burka remarks


Shadow boxing

Boris isn't known
to sit on the fence.
So a few people
took offence
when he chose
to compare
what some Muslim
women wear
to a letter box
and he wasn't
talking of socks.

© Luigi Pagano


Tick (Haemaphysalis longicornis)

We don’t need a mate to breed
nips of blood is all we need
scarlet lips from little sips
once we’re bloated to our tips

Sated well before you’ve caught us
we’ll spill out a thousand daughters
daughter ticks will cling to you
Spill out all their daughters too.


© S. O. Fasrus

5 Things to Know About the New Tick Species in the US


Strictly Speaking

Strictly Come Dancing
will strictly adhere
To strictly mixed couples
in spite of the year
In two thousand and eighteen
I find this surprising-
Strictly ‘s ratings may drop
And Mr. Cowell’s
may start rising!

© Bex Tate



I'm Latrodetus from Texas
looking for a mate
With my hour glass figure
i'm an interesting date
I have legs to die for
a home of finest thread
My beautiful red embelishment
will entice someone to bed
Love making out of this world
from which you wont recover
A truly fatal encounter
Your Arachnid Widow Lover.

© Debbie Smith

Inspired indirectly, by the tale of a love-seeking tortoise called Dirk, and a poem by S.O. Fasrus


Kipper Choir Practice

On the rocks between a hard place
Excavating for a deal
Vicar’s daughter to the
trews like Emma Peel

Sturgeon, Juncker, Macron, Merkel
Brexit talks are very
walking through a minefield
There’ll be laughs at our expense

What’s the story what’s the
What’s the
story Tessa May
If our
dreams are dashed forever
You’ll be sorry, Tessa May

© S. O. Fasrus


Dirk from the Galapagos

(70 yr old big guy seeks a big built female to bring him out of his shell)

An early riser and a keen forager
naps a lot, semi-submerged in mud or water
Sexually forceful (rough love - guaranteed to lift partner off her feet)
but very experienced after practising on a boulder for 40 years
non-possessive. - leaves after sex

some travelling in the early hours.
usually asleep before sunset but known to wander off to watering holes in the middle of the night.
Looking to breed? Big Dirk from the Galapagos is waiting.

© S. O. Fasrus

Giant male Galapagos tortoise looking for love


The cup that cheers

The Willow Tea Room
designed by Macintosh
was thought at the time
to be utterly posh.
When it opened, the salon
had a sculptural relief
by Mackintosh's wife,
a hand-painted gesso.
The Room was famous
for brewed tea leaf
but to their patrons
did not serve espresso.

© Luigi Pagano


Nursing Home Metallers Rock
They had a quick nap
they put on the kettle
but who can resist
the call of the metal

The leathers were out
for Nocturnal Rights
Judas Priest leading
headbanging nights

'Helmet' and 'Doro'
It’s Wacken for us
we’ll head back tomorrow

© S. O. Fasrus


Shoes for Dogs

Our feet are roasting said the Spaniel
heatwaves are too much to handle -
the shoes they gave us aren’t so hot
but they do the job and help a lot.

© S. O. Fasrus


Honestly Folks

Donald Trump Donald Trump
visits The Queen
Queen kept him waiting
Or so it would seem
Donald Trump Donald Trump
paid the Queen back
walked right in front of her
showing his neck!

Donald Trump Donald Trump
says she was late
‘I was there early
the Queen made me wait,’
Donald Trump Donald Trump
blowing a fuse
jeering at journalists
calls out ‘FAKE NEWS.’

© S. O. Fasrus

Donald Trump rejects claims he was 15 minutes late to meet Queen - and says she made him wait


Bad poets R us

It is a sign of our time.
We, bad poets, who
have much difficulty
in finding a rhyme,
must also mind
our Ps and Qs
or else we have
to suffer the blues
at the hand of those
who make a fuss
as they don't think
the same as us.

© Luigi Pagano


The Cult of Q

Conspiracies grew in the Cult of Q
The code words were auspicious
A Lumen-elite with crocodile feet
Made Alex Jones suspicious

He yelled so loud, he drew a crowd
The odd, the weird, the crazy
And Rosanne Barr who was going so far
The point of it was hazy.

IIlumin-arty snuck in the party
Some were spiking drinks
Plying MK Ultra in upper rooms
And encouraging sexual kinks.

© S. O. Fasrus


Precocious terrorists?

The Ofsted devastating
review which withdrew
a nursery top rating
for failing to spot
if kids aged two to four
might become jihadis
instead of playing
with conkers
was said to be bonkers.

© Luigi Pagano


The Women of Football - 1914 -1818

A photo of women who loved kicking balls
A hundred years back, and resplendent
in shorts socks and boots, not giving two hoots
the women of football, transcendent.

© S. O. Fasrus

Historic photographs show time when women's football was so popular that it drew in bigger crowds than men's games


A Question of Convenience

What Edward Lord OBE
declares himself non-binary.
Biology is for the birds -
and consultation's just a word.
I'll hear your views - if you'll agree.
Another word's hypocrisy.

© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley



Melania Melania,
Cat-walk gardener
how does your veg patch grow
When you’re posing for the press
Always best to look a mess
if you’re picking up a trowel for show

© S. O. Fasrus


No Contest

By Jove, mark my words,
it is the end of the world.
You will want to know
Serena Williams
was defeated by Jo.
With an iron fist
in a velvet glove
Konta won the match
six-one, six love.

© Luigi Pagano


Vegistate Legislate

I fear my death has no appeal;
if I vegetate will I feel -
will I think or will I blink,
is there a chance my heart will sink

© S.O. Fasrus


You Can Paint Me Red White And Green But it’s All Yellow

Sometimes nice guys
Do finish first
For good reason
The push on stages comes with ages
Not dressed in limelight
But yellow
And now
The world all knows
Llongyfarchiadau G
It just goes to show

© Mark Coverdale


The crazy gang

Today the Beano is eighty,

My goodness gracious me.

And as I am eighty-three

it's nearly as old as me.

The magazine is comic

and has become iconic

with rebellious characters

like Dennis the Menace

with his dog Gnasher,

Roger the Dodger,

the haughty and lofty

Walter the Softy

and the female duo

of Minnie the Minx

and Ivy the Terrible.

They all caused mayhem.

Happy birthday to them.

© Luigi Pagano


Bloody Moon

Here it is
The bloody moon
Bloody gert big orb

Here it is
Whopper of the Century
Like a bloody great gert big
Blood orange

Bloody massive
Bloody gert big event

© S.O. Fasrus


A smart move

Ex minister Mike O’Brien
the smart-meter pioneer
who promoted a gadget
supposed to be smart
found out that this gear
wasn't good enough.
He would have no part
in the scheme anymore
so he ditched the stuff.

© Luigi Pagano


Grope Lane

Grope Lane
Gropers game
Groping loping
Gropers hoping

Hark who's near
Raise a cheer
Clip clop heels
Groper feels

Hands are out
Grope about
Gawping warping
Now they’re talking

© S.O. Fasrus

(In the Middle Ages there were designated groping areas - Grope Lane, is in Shrewsbury still)


I'll be back... (but not Jay)

It was like a sketch from the Beano:

Schwarzenegger invited Jay Leno

to go riding with him in his tank.

He was serious, it wasn't a prank

but he gave a limo a great whack.

Unlike Arnold, Jay won't be back.

© Luigi Pagano


Things ain't wot they used to be

Manager Bill Shankly
once famously said :
“Some people think football
is a matter of life and death.”
and added that it's much
more serious than that.
That this was true
the public conceded
but this declaration
has been superseded
by Gary's assertion
that the British nation
must take into account
that blocking Brexit
is paramount.

© Luigi Pagano


The law is an ass

For better, for worse;
the vicar pronounced.
She wants a divorce
but the judge announced
it was better for them
to last the course.
The verdict was grubby
as it was worse for her
but better for hubby.

© Luigi Pagano


Rees-Mogg's hard slog

William Rees-Mogg
as in conflict
with John Major
when the latter
tried to flog
the Treaty of Maastricht
to the nation.
A judge ruled in favour
of the then premier
to the peer's consternation.
It stuck in his throat
to hear of his rival's
'full gloat'.

© Luigi Pagano



Steve Bannon on Swastika
fanbase tour EU
soon headlining in Hungary

© S. O. Fasrus

The Theresa May Cling On Song

As Jacob Rees-Mogg will stab my back
It’s so important not to crack
though clearly looking rather strained
I’ll feign composure as I’m blamed.
There’s Boris biting at my heels
will Jean-Claude Junker do some deals
in Downing Street I must cling on,
forever stable ever strong.

© S.O. Fasrus

Every day we hear

that the U.S. and Iran

want to settle scores,

not by surrender

but by the so called

'mother of all wars'.

How odd that conflicts

are defined by gender.

© Luigi Pagano


Holiday Planning

Here is what husbands think:

do you really need to pack

everything but the kitchen sink?

Why is it you refuse

to walk barefoot on the beach

and insist on five pairs of shoes?

And why so many clothes

in case the weather changes?

You can forget those,

it is better to travel light.

So don't take anything, I beg.

For hold luggage on flight

they charge an arm and a leg.

© Luigi Pagano


Mood swings

I was in high spirits
not at all stressed.
Became depressed
when I read that
were being prescribed
to adolescents.

© Luigi Pagano


Llanelli Flies

I fear the currants in my bread
are but a bunch of flies
half dead
they come alive at every bite
and swarm around my mouth
all night

© S. O. Fasrus


Anything you can do...

Anything you can do
I can do. Maybe more;

I'm after all a princess.

My name is Eugenie
and I am the progeny

of a family that goes back

to the Good Queen Bess.
The English adore

anyone with blue blood

although some people

want to throw mud

at anyone royal

but I think they're disloyal.

© Luigi Pagano


Mother Wit

My mother said
if I should
meet with a creep in a very dark wood:
“Think on the hoof,
kickbox clever,
a girl in the woods can be lost forever!”

© S.O. Fasrus



Dear Embryo Editor
I hereby submit who I can become
to being
who you would want me to become

Dear Embryo Editor
With my best interests at heart
curtail my excesses
subtract and tailor
punctuate my loins
dress me for uniformity
be unforgiving -

Dear Embryo Editor
when I am honed and toned
and packaged and prone
I look forward to seeing who I will be
and wonder if I will look
more than a little bit
like you

© S. O. Fasrus

Editing human embryos 'morally permissible'


Riotous living

A pitch invasion took place

which caused some disquiet.

The policemen gave chase

to members of Pussy Riot,

four protesters, all females,

and floored them with tackles.

It certainly tipped the scales

and raised the girls' hackles.

All they had intended to do

was to meet and embrace

the players who wore blue

and be in their good grace.

© Luigi Pagano

Pussy Riot members jailed for World Cup final protest


Ed Sheeran makes his point

There was a tuneless young "singer" called Ed
Whose caterwauling could awaken the dead.
He thought that rough sleepers
Where worst than wall creepers
And spikes all round his house he did embed.

© Phil Knight
Everybody wins, nobody loses

Though the World Cup

was won by France

and the Croatian team

was runners up

every other nation

had the chance

of a consolation.

Despite England's defeat

Harry Kane got the Golden boot

for being good with his feet

while Modric was named

the tournament's best

and awarded the Golden Ball.

Courtois, said to be above

the other goalkeepers,

was given the Golden Glove.

These and other accolades

pleased them all.

© Luigi Pagano


Great Product

You give great product
It’s gotta be said, great product
and i really mean that
I’ve always said
UK, or Britain, or England
then there’s Scotland
and little Wales down there on the side
so many names for a small island
so many names
but with great product
great product
I told Theresa
beautiful woman -
you give great product Theresa
great product.

© S.O. Fasrus

What Trump did not reveal

In Windsor they met

and had a tête-à-tête.

She stated that Brexit

was a complex matter

Then waved him off

as he left to play golf

by saying “Good luck,

I hope that your game

will soon get better.”

“What was your name?

Ah, Donald Duck.”

© Luigi Pagano



Ah, the great satsuma hums and has,
the Star Spangled Banner bangs out,
but that old battered flag sags in despair,
for the fruit is rotten, and that bright corona
cannot hide the bald truth of Trump.

© Cath Campbell.


A smash hit

The driver who sent George Clooney

flying over his scooter's handlebar

was not an irresponsible loony
who was speeding in a sports car

but a plumber who could not see

because he was blinded by the sun
(at least that was his defence plea).

To his credit he did not hit-and-run.

© Luigi Pagano


Trump is Coming to Town

It’s giving him grief, he’s taking advice
‘A big orange balloon is not very nice,’

He’s tweeting when we’'re sleepin'
at 4 he’s wide awake
'hey the KKK are not all bad
you should see those bad snowflakes!’

He's wearing a pout, he’s taking advice
‘I’m hearing they’re losers and not very nice,’

© S.O.Fasrus


The Morning After

It's raining now
The weather's broke
And summer seems so far away
As if the gods have turned
On England's green and pleasant land
No home for heroes then
But didn't they do well?

© Peter K Jones


Kerfuffle and reshuffle

When he wrote to Theresa

Boris Johnson was blunt

and went on to explain

that he was going to exit

and didn't want to remain.

Now his job goes to Hunt.

© Luigi Pagano


Tied up in knots

Right from the start

I had no doubt

the match would end

in a penalty shoot-out.

Russia were beaten,

and it isn't a lie,

by the country who invented

the neck-tie.

© Luigi Pagano

Russia 2 Croatia 2 (aet, 3-4 on penalties): Rakitic sets up England semi-final showdown


Holy Orders

Gareth's hopes for a win are up
as his wingers are good players
while Father Tim thinks the Cup
hinges on a wing and a prayer.

© Luigi Pagano

Footballing priest saves goals and leads prayers


London Pride

Andrew Lumsden
Stuart Feather
Let’s remember them
Marching happily

Pride of London

© S.O. Fasrus

London Pride: The friends who took part in the first march


Looking good

He was famous for a penalty miss
now for a waistcoat that he dons
and although some people may hiss
he's become one of football's icons.

© Luigi Pagano

Looks we love: Gareth Southgate's M&S Waistcoat At The England VS Colombia World Cup Game


At the end of the rainbow

That the England team

Gareth Southgate built

includes young players

who are said to be green
is a fact we must concede

Yet in the past we've often seen

riper but tired footballers wilt.

There have been many coaches;

an English one called turnip head
and others, including a Swede.

They all tried very hard

but, apart from Alf Ramsey,

they did not succeed.

Is this the time? We'll soon know

if there's a pot of gold

at the end of the rainbow.

© Luigi Pagano


ICE Cold Baby

Baby Jesus, Maz and Jo
in a cage -
may or may not
cause outrage
in a climate
where the
temperature is
ICE cold

© Bex Tate

Indianapolis Church Puts Holy Family In Detention Center To Protest Immigration Policy 


The hazard of football

Last night the Belgians,
in the land of Putin,
caused an upset
when playing Japan.
They were two goals down
but soon equalised
then put the boot in
by forcing a third goal
in the Japanese net
at the last minute
to win 3-2.

© Luigi Pagano

Last-gasp goal sees Red Devils through to last eight in thriller 


Mogg On the Bog

If Jacob Rees Mogg
should need the bog
believe you me
the pan would clog

© S.O. Fasrus

Brexit - live updates: Tories turn on 'insolent' Rees-Mogg after Brexiteer threatens open revolt against May 


Danny Nails It

For clarity on Britain’s exit
Here’s Walford’s philosophy supplier
To cut through all the Eartha Kitt
And prove that Brexit’s really Dyer

© Mark Coverdale

Danny Dyer cuts through Brexit bluster with TV tirade 



The PM smiles,
Her golden rule – the crocodile.
Brexit talks are to set pace,
For 60 million makes a race.
Who have spoken in a roar
Of ballot boxes from shore to shore.

© Rosalind J Lee

May insists Brexit talks still on track ahead of key EU summit 


A faux pas

No royal gaffes, please,
the Lord Chamberlain begs,
you may keep fingers crossed
but mustn’t cross your legs

© Luigi Pagano

Meghan breaks royal protocol 



When spring brings wildfire
Where wildlife is words
How they fail when the library’s ablaze

© Mark Coverdale

Saddleworth Moor fire declared major incident as residents flee homes 


Happy Birthday

Three score and ten
But shame mars the celebration

Was it a new life sought
In the motherland
Now turned sour
Denying those promises made
Relying on lost papers
Under the weight of public anger
Shame was palpable
Home Secretary scrabbling

Happy Birthday anyway

© Peter K Jones

Windrush anniversary celebrated at Westminster Abbey 


Unbecoming behaviour

Some so called fans,

reputedly English,

behaved in a manner

stupid and loutish:

they thought it was cute

to sing “Sieg Heil”

and give a Nazi salute.

I hope that these pricks
are rightly punished
for their silly tricks.

© Luigi Pagano

England Fans Giving 'Nazi Salutes' At World Cup In Russia 


Rats Overboard

In the case of defections
from Trump's White House,
the dictum about rats
leaving sinking ships
would–until further notice–
be most apropos
were we simply to insert
"t" into sinking.

© Darrell Petska

The very long list of high-profile White House departures 


Holier than thou

People with religious affiliation

whose beliefs are much stronger

than a free-thinking population

will live four years longer,

analysed obituaries have revealed.

The unbelievers will be peeved.

© Luigi Pagano

Study: Believers Live Four Years Longer Than Atheists 


Here is the new(t)s

It appears that

the great crested newt

has put down its root

on the estate of a pop star

who now can't go very far

with plans to build a chapel:

a very thorny problem

with which to grapple.

© Luigi Pagano

Newt check to be carried out around Ed Sheeran's estate 


Self-love Island

Two narcissist fools
waving their warheads,
pair-bonding over
preposterous hair;
how did we get here?

© Hebog Tramor

Trump and Kim Jong Un arrive in Singapore for historic summit

Love Island 2018 


Unexpected Walruses

Unexpected walruses have come to town,
refugees of climate crisis.
Possibly food shortages
have caused one thousand tusks
to raise like hopeful chopsticks.
Mass exodus from melting ice.

Like sardines in a tin,
unexpected walruses are moving in,
supplies of shellfish perished,
as carefully they snuggle up,
a sea of white flag waving tusks
to rest and wait and hope...

©️Janey Colbourne

Unexpected walruses crowd beach of small Alaskan village (shared by the Guardian on Twitter, today) 


A head for heights

To raise money for charity

Edward Mills from Dunnet,
an eight-year-old boy
and his mum's pride and joy,
has completed the climb
of the 450ft high sea stack
the Old Man of Hoy.

© Luigi Pagano

Boy, eight, youngest to climb Old Man of Hoy 


It's a Dog's Life

He never imagined

that after 25 years

all of a sudden

he'd be out on his ear.

His wife felt fine

sharing her life with him

as well as 30 dogs;

he thought it was asinine

and gave her a choice:

it's either them or me.

She gave him a hard look

and raising her voice

told him to sling his hook.

© Luigi Pagano

Fed-up hubby leaves wife after she puts dogs first 



In Burnopfield folk have long heard
the heart-felt complaints of this bird.
At first all was well -
but a peacock incel?
Now tempers, not passions are stirred.

© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley

Lovelorn peacock keeping villagers awake


50 years minus sixty seconds
Nicholas Parsons caused

anxiety when he paused

for just a minute

and without hesitation

decided to miss the show

but now we know

he fancied a vacation

and was taking a day off.

But there won't be


© Luigi Pagano

'Just A Minute' Host Nicholas Parsons Misses First Show In 50 years, To Enjoy A Day Off


A massive missive

It's an episode that will

go down in history.

Kim Jong Un

sent Donald a letter.

We don't know whether

he'll feel worse or better

as the contents

remain a mystery.

© Luigi Pagano

Kim Jong Un sent a letter to Trump. It's huge


A topical clerihew
Germaine Greer
insists rape is small beer.
It’s hard to defend her -
but - really - would she remember?

© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley

Germaine Greer’s comments on rape are dangerous and damaging


Pick up your bed and walk
The Ukrainians said

that Arkady Babchenko

came back from the dead.

Consensus is unanimous:

he must now change

his name to Lazarus.

© Luigi Pagano

Arkady Babchenko: Ukraine condemned for faking journalist's murder


tête à tête

South Korea's Moon

met North Korea's Kim.

They thought of the goon,

but didn't invite him.

© Luigi Pagano

Korean leaders meet in surprise summit


Measure for measure

Everyone should know that

when they expel diplomats

who are personae non grata
it is a question of tit-for-tat
and it has to be pro rata.

© Luigi Pagano

U.S., in tit-for-tat, expels two Venezuelan envoys


A sneaky move

Serena did recently confess

she wore sneakers under her dress

when she was Meghan's guest

in order to give her feet a rest

© Luigi Pagano

Serena Williams: I wore sneakers under royal wedding outfit


Make Way for Meghan

What a debacle!
When Harry married Meghan Sparkle:
the homeless evicted for the Circus Monarchal!

© Phil Coleman

M&S has changed its name to Markle & Sparkle for the royal wedding


Fixed Odds

She’d always worked in mental health
But because the cuts and pressure felt
Now work’s in the betting shop
When industry cries “It’ll cost us jobs!”
She waits for the penny to drop

© Mark Coverdale

Betting machine stakes cut to £2


Dizzying Heights

The council is determined

to let the house fall

because the roof is 

75 centimetres too tall.

© Luigi Pagano

Midland family face having £500k home demolished - as it's 75cm too tall


Trouble Brewing

Donald has upset the Scots

by banning the drink Irn-Bru

on the premises of his golf resort.

They'll take revenge on the spoilsport.

Very soon? Och aye, the noo.

© Luigi Pagano

Donald Trump Angers Scots With Ban On Irn-Bru At Luxury Golf Resort


To do

Unknot hanky cap
Shuffle off socked sandals
After- sun pink bits
Anaconda squeeze life out of paddling pool
Mr. Muscle bar-b-q
Unsprinkle hose pipe
Set alarm
Early to bed
Early to rise
Don’t forget umbrella.

© Bex Tate

UK weather: Britain to cool down after bank holiday scorcher


The naked truth

Mark Williams proved

that it wasn't a bluff

when he promised he would

face the press in the buff

if he won.

© Luigi Pagano

Mark Williams Goes Naked At Press Conference After World Snooker Championship Win


Hell has no fury (like a rebel scorned)

Teresa may or may not

favour a hybrid custom plan

but if she follows that path

she will incur the wrath

of all Brexiteers, to a man.

© Luigi Pagano

May to risk Tory rebels wrath by pressing ahead with custom plan 


In the face of denial

Would Donald Trump's face
last long or melt in a thrice
if it were sculpted on ice?

© Luigi Pagano

Donald Trump's Face Could Be Carved Into An Iceberg To Prove Climate Change Is Real


Home Office Haiku

The Weather: Amber
Warnings May Leads To White-Out
But No Flight Delays

© Mark Coverdale

Amber Rudd's resignation letter and Theresa May's response


Changing of the Guard

Ms Rudd failed in her bid
to hang on to her brief,
therefore Sajid Javid
becomes the new chief.

© Luigi Pagano

Sajid Javid to be new home secretary


Quid pro quo

It didn't take long
for The Sun to delve
into the archives of the BBC
and find a letter
from Jacob Rees-Mogg
who at the age of twelve
was interviewed and due a fee.
In it he decisively says
he'd like the unpaid sum
within 10 days.

© Luigi Pagano

The voice of the 12-year-old Jacob Rees-Mogg 


An ill wind and a rush to remove

Did the Home Office

have targets?

A recent report says aye

but it looks as if

they never hit the bullseye.

© Luigi Pagano

Home Office had migrant removal targets, report shows


A New Arrival

The London crowd

expressed their joy

for Kate and William's

new baby boy.

That the child's name

could be Philip

was for the royalists

an added fillip.

© Luigi Pagano

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge welcomed their third child this morning. 



Mary Beard’s
been disappeared.
However much they try
to spin it, we know why.

© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley

Mary Beard 'cut' from US version of Civilisations, fearing 'slightly creaky old lady isn't ideal for US TV' 


Murder Most Fowl

We all knew

the dodo was dead
but not that
he'd been shot
in the head.

© Luigi Pagano

Oxford Dodo was shot in head, scans find 


Ads ad infinitum

Facebook users believe

that it is the last straw
for that social media's

marketing cads
to disregard a new

EU privacy law
and bombard us
with ads.

© Luigi Pagano


Using One's Loaf

For a very long time

it was taken as read
a novelty could be said
to be the best thing
since sliced bread.

But now it is felt
that it's better to say:

since the safety belt.

© Luigi Pagano



Those who lead us must
work for peace, prosperity –
or our world is dust.

© Jenni Wyn Hyatt



Mo Mowlam
told 'em.
Didn't she?
What happened to her place in history?

© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley


What a mistake to make

David Schwimmer is the guy

you want to keep as a friend
but then you may say 'Hi'

to the wrong one in the end.

© Luigi Pagano


Of mice and men

Three high mice. Three high mice.

See how they eat. See how they eat.
They were found by cops on the beat,

- who happened to be on the scene by chance -

to have ingested a narcotic substance.
One could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

Has anyone heard such a tale in their life?

© Luigi Pagano


Dawn Chorus

Once upon
a birdsong
Tweet was a
sweet thing
Good friends with
Chirp, Chirrup, Trill and Coo
Must have had a bust up
Tweet’s turned sour!!

© Bex Tate


Fun but not in the sun

The Queen and the naturalist
strolling around the Palace ground
were amused by what they found:
a sundial oddly placed in the shade.

© Luigi Pagano



Hooked to*
The Book
We seem prepared
To overlook
Its indiscretions

© Bex Tate

*Facebook- the name of a website where you can show information about yourself, and communicate
with groups of friends - (Cambridge Dictionary)


Bridge Over Troubled Waters

Harris Webb wrote of "two lands
Connected by a bridge a river wide".
But the choice of it's name
Must be for the people to decide.

© Phil Knight


Last Throw

Eric Bristow
rarely missed. So
much a master of his fate he
left with a score of 180.

© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley


Whale Song

Who think we know everything
Are in the dark
About whales that sing

Sing their songs
Of love and loss
Of humans
Who don’t seem
To give a toss!

© Bex Tate


Facebook's 'huge mistake'

Oops, Mr Sugar-Mountain!
With 87 million friends like yours,
who needs enemies?

© Mandy Macdonald


Sprouting Health

A shout out
For the brussel sprout

Not only do they make you fart
But also they protect your heart!!

© Bex Tate


American troops to guard Mexican border

Pitch American troops
against our enemy’s troops
or at least against armed terrorists.
To pitch them against Mexican civilians
insults American troops.

© Richard Devereux



I say, I say, I say...
Do the Queen
and Mrs May
also get less pay?

is the gap
that pays
more to a chap!!

© Bex Tate


In at the deep end

A lagoon in Sarasota

had low levels of water
which wasn’t enough
for an aquatic reptile
and it cramped his style.
He kept his cool
and headed straight
for a swimming pool.
But animal trappers
a few hours later
removed the alligator.

© Luigi Pagano


Royal protocol

William and Kate were late
For Church, the BBC news reported.
Unheard of, for lower Royals to supercede
The Queen
Who was already seated.

Harry and Meghan were not there-
Another engagement,
Not upholding
Duties to the CofE
The cost of Royalty-
We know their movements.

And this is probably Kate's last public outing
Before baby number three.

© Amanda Derry


Eddie Izzard joins Labour's Ruling Party

Some Labour supporters say
He's just a gimmick,
People will only follow him
Because he's a celebrity.

Well, I think he's funny
I've watched his marathon
In South Africa for Nelson Mandela,
He has my vote.

© Amanda Derry



Kneel on the desk so your skirt can be measured.
Six inches was the limit.

Even that was pretty edgy
if we bent over or sat cross-legged.

Some girls made a meal of it teasing
'enjoy the view boys'.

Now the boys and girls have to go to
different lengths.

© Pat Edwards


Upon My Soul

Pope Francis, it seems,
wanted to tell
that after death
there is no hell
and it was clear
the departed soul
will just disappear.

© Luigi Pagano


Out of Step

Regarding term-time holidays
UK schools have zero tolerance.
Absences should only be granted
in "exceptional circumstances",
it’s stated in the official guidance.
The rules prevent some children
from taking external exams,
says the Royal Academy of Dance,
the authorities are far too rigid
and should alter their stance.

© Luigi Pagano


The Polish Girl

The photographer saw you
Beaten by the female Kapo
Your eyes don't understand why you were there
Neither do we;
As your colourised self brings you
Into the Twenty-first Century.

© Amanda Derry


Not Cricket

Malcom Turnbull
exclaimed strewth
when he heard the truth
about the Aussies cheating
at cricket by tampering
the ball while playing
South Africa.

© Luigi Pagano


About 20

About 20
it said in the paper
about 20 ...
about 20
beating hearts
about 20
pairs of eyes
pairs of feet
pairs of hands
that’s about 40
hands altogether.

About 10
little hands
about 10...
lost their grip
that’s about 100
little fingers altogether

lost ... their ... grip.

© Bex Tate


How to influence friends

Facebook is accused
of providing millions
of personal data
that were used
for reasons not analytical
but highly political.
To influence U.S. voters
in favour of Don.
FB users now wonder
if it was a big con
or if it was a mishap
due to a rogue app.

© Luigi Pagano


Peace, man

If we could prove that the place
where the stock of the gas Novichock
came from was not Russia
we may start to believe that Putin
doesn’t want an arms race.

© Luigi Pagano


Unczchecked Claims

The Czechs had a shock
when Maria Zakharova,
the Russian spokeswoman,
had the nerve to suggest
that they were the ones
who had manufactured
the nerve gas Novichock.

© Luigi Pagano



A and E


“Nothing abnormal to report"

"Go home and get some rest”


is where the heart is ...

somewhere among the rubble...

© Bex Tate


What a Choice!

Which would you choose,
cute polar bear child,
If you had any choice,
which you haven’t, of course,
to survive in captivity
or starve in the wild?

© Jenni Wyn Hyatt



Ten thousand tickets
Millennial meltdown
Now you can go to work
on an avocado
If you can find one, that is.

© Katy Konrad


Paws for thought

Was the ref too hard
when he took a tough line?
He didn’t need persuasion
to show the yellow card
to a wandering ginger feline
for pitch invasion.

© Luigi Pagano



Megan Sparkles does her thing,
Taking selfies, holding hands and hugging
She may need to be less American
But Di did it socially;
Close contact is the new royalty.

© Amanda Derry


No child’s play

I am annoyed
that Toys ‘R’ Us
has left a void
in the market of toys
for girls and boys.

© Luigi Pagano


Ken Dodd

A comic genius
from Liverpool,
an entertainer
of the old school
who obliged
his audiences

with an encore,
is sadly no more.

© Luigi Pagano


A Haiku

spring ice-break-up
in harbours: can aging brains
make new neurons?

© E.E. Nobbs


Horsing Around

Into a night club in Miami Beach
on Friday night galloped a horse.
But other animals aiming to reach
the dance floor will be prevented.
For safety reasons, of course.

© Luigi Pagano


On The Ball

Arsene and Arsenal
came out with all guns blazing
and by beating AC Milan
achieved something amazing.

© Luigi Pagano

On the Rebound
Empty nesters
do feel a pang
when their kids,
who had left,
© Luigi Pagano 

Tattoo, not voodoo

As far as we can tell
Emma Watson,
unlike Hermione Granger,
is a stranger
to the right spell.

© Luigi Pagano


The Politics of Snow

Faced with the incipient thaw
a triangle of snow trembles
on the roof of the return
and, for days, evades
the rheumy eye of the sun,
puts off the inevitable,
when it will parse itself
first, into a filigree of ice
and then, a seemingly infinite
drip, sub-dividing time,
its soft, restive tone
neither inside nor out.

© Maurice Devitt


Trevor Baylis

He said; "I've got this big idea"
And Mandela thought it grand
Radios with no need of power
But you can't be serious Trev
I mean; it must be a wind up!

© Peter Wright


Tit for Tat

We'll tax Levi jeans and Bourbon
An EU official said,
If the US taxes our cars
We'll hit them like a ton of lead;
For it's tit for tat and tat for tit
When economies are in the red,
So less motoring or sinking shots in bars,
We'll stay home and drink our own stuff instead.

© David Subacchi


Exit Poll

It looks as if
in Italy too
the voters sniff
at the EU.

© Luigi Pagano


Katarina Johnson-Thompson’s victory

K.J.T.’s success is noble.
Having won a gold
at the Birmingham games,
she’s gone global.

© Luigi Pagano


Yesterday’s Raven

is different under its inky quills. Its thick beak
questions origins. Its shaggy shanks and glossy beard
identify it to close kin; those kin othering Not Kin
as pointlessly as Jim Crow in the deep south,
as subtly as Christian sects in Derry,
once upon a trouble. Common as crows
round cowpats: adolescents challenging taboos,
choosing mates beyond boundaries.


A Royal Command Performance?

If Prince Harry
has to marry
must the invitations
comprise an exercise in public relations?

© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley


To err is human

Tony Blair is one of a pair
who say that the Brits
have made a mistake:
they can’t have and eat
the coveted cake.


Confirming the Theory

On the ten-pound notes
there is no doubt
that the fittest survives:
Jane Austen is in,
Charles Darwin is out.

© Luigi Pagano 2018


A Clerihew

Theresa May
hangs on day by day.
It’s OK. If she loses her job
well hubby is worth a few bob.

© Abigail Elizabeth Ottley


Stormy weather (a haiku)

Whipping up a storm
Your words may fall on deaf ears
So make their ears burn

© Bex Tate


Frozen Out

We hit them with sanctions
and the Russians were aghast.
Now they take their revenge
by sending to Europe
a Siberian icy blast.

© Luigi Pagano 2018


Hamster's Dandruff - A Tanka

There’s hamster’s dandruff
In the smoke so chances are
That halts will grind to
I’ll bank on this I ask what
Ever happened to Shank’s?

© Mark Coverdale



‘Give the teachers guns’
He said
While the rest of the world
Couldn’t believe what they were
His words were bulletproof
If only their lives had been too.

© Katy Konrad



I've trained for my mission.
Checked my guns, my ammunition,
scouted the entrance, the classrooms, the hall,
planned my escape round the swimming pool wall.
Reviewed all the details to every last feature.
So first to die must now be the teacher.

Letters of Apology

The repentant franchise KFC
thought that it would be O.K.
to say sorry in a cheeky way
so they switched their initials
which now read EF-CEE-KAY.

© Luigi Pagano 2018


Fowl Play

KFC made a clean breast of it,
they didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Chicken shortage caused a crisis:
a widespread restaurant shutdown.
Supply hangs on a wing and a prayer.

© Luigi Pagano 2018


Pukka Problems

Jamie sits and ponders
As his Italian empire crumbles
The restaurant trade is overcooked
Now the Pukka Prince of Essex sighs
Bish, bash, bosh; bye bye Barbecoa

© Peter Wright


The Law of Diminishing Returns

When the football match started
there were twenty-two fellows
but after nine reds and eight yellows
the teams went for an early bath
as the referee could do the math.

© Luigi Pagano 2018


There was a young passenger full of the wind.
Some Dutchmen thought he had sinned.
He blasted and blasted
While the flight lasted.
But it was the poor suffering Dutchmen who got binned.

© Phil Knight


Lost in translation

The message from Russia
should have read thus:
Note: Don is a chump.
But it was translated as:
Vote for Donald Trump.

© Luigi Pagano 2018


Eco Warrior with a Brolly

The seasons are getting wetter and wetter
And Paris has nearly drowned this year
So let’s give thanks to Thierry Millet
Europe’s last artisan umbrella repair man
He fixes broken brollies; to save the world

© Peter Wright


That's more like it, Foreign Secretary

You didn't play BoJo the buffoon courting publicity,
didn't cycle round Myanmar with a safety helmet stuck
like a pudding basin on your custard hair, but trailed
through a burned-out Rohingyan village, held a child's
charred bike and contorted your face in genuine grief.

© Sheila Jacob



She fancied the idea, she said
So after dinner cut off her small finger
And put it next to some frozen peas.
"I decided I could live without it",
Laughing: "Everyone knows, I take nothing seriously!"

© Amanda Derry


The Brits won the first gold
in the skeleton with Lizzy Yarnold.
In its wake, we were told,
the fans erupted with joy
and the UK felt a minor earthquake.

© Luigi Pagano 2018

The Silencer

St Valentine’s Day 2018

Children’s shrill voices carry on the wind
from the safe playground of the village school.
In Florida a teen with troubled mind,
who had too easy access to a gun,
hushed seventeen voices, thinking it was cool,
a silence that can never be undone.

© Jenni Wyn Hyatt

Just Saying

Here's Hannah, Oz's latest crush.
At sixteen stone 'she's' dangerous.
So common sense dictates 'she' ought
to stay away from women's sport.

No Sex Please, We are Aussies

The Aussie Prime Minister said
that Barnaby Joyce made a gaffe
when he had an adulterous affair
with a woman working with him,
so now he’ll ban sex between staff.

© Luigi Pagano 2018

A Tidy Sum

Most people say
there’s no way
Gordon’s salary
of 2.2 millions
can be O.K.

© Luigi Pagano 2018

Valentine’s Day in Pyeongchang

Romantic rituals last for months,
as women buy men chocolates,
men buy women oodles
of Chupa Chups lollipops
and the singletons eat black noodles.

© Luigi Pagano

Syrian Children

As I walked back from the pub tonight
in my thermal hat, thermal gloves, vest, hairy shirt,
snow-flake sweater and padded jacket,
the cold cut my cheeks above the beard-line, I thought
of the Syrian children in the snow in their summer clothes.

© Richard Devereux


A Sartorial setback

As her routine was about to begin
South Korean ice skater Yura Min
committed a cardinal sin:
the hook on her top came undone
otherwise she may have won.


Monsters lurk deep under ground
that outweigh the dark matter we've found.
If you want you can see 'em at London's Museum,
air-dried and off-gassed, by the pound.

Ode to hamster

You were my friend, my support
In times of distress including air travel.
But they said you cannot come on board
So I crouch in this toilet cubicle
You peek out of my hand faithfully.


complex mathematics, Oldbury

When X is minus 13%
Z the square root of sod all
calculate the value of Y
where Y means taking back control.

© Steve Pottinger