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Saturday, 21 July 2018

Pity the Downtrodden Tenant





















(a take on Fred Hellerman's 'Pity the Downtrodden Landlord')


He opens my door to go snooping

he’ll poke through my stuff when he can

when I paid him that massive deposit

he seemed such a civilised man.

Now I’m walking on eggshells and nervy

I wake in the night feeling vexed

of late he’s been giving the glad-eye

What, sexual bonuses next?


He’s timing my stints in the bathroom

(the loo rolls are all locked away)

he tells me it’s extra for water -

it’s weird cause I already pay.


So pity us downtrodden tenants

I lodge in a shed out the back

today I was hanging my washing

My landlord shouts: ‘Lacy and black!’


I must say my shed is expensive

10 square, with a put-me-up bed -

for water a tap in the garden

no shower; a hose-down instead.

It’s 90 plus quid every Monday

My landlord is doing me proud,

he crows: ‘ Aren’t you lucky to be here -

remember no friends are allowed!’


He’s timing my stints in the bathroom

(the loo rolls are all locked away)

he tells me it’s extra for water

it’s weird cause I already pay.


So pity us downtrodden tenants

In under-stair cupboards and sheds

our toilet facilities rationed -

a nightmare in put-me-up beds!


© S.O. Fasrus

Note: image by S.O. Fasrus


S.O. Fasrus: Social Justice Campaigner & Social Research Interviewer. Her verse and poems; some comic; satirical; and serious; can be found online. Recent poems are in New Verse News, Culture Matters, and Poems for Grenfell Tower.


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