A typical Tinder date
"Our date at Nandos went so well, why don't you come back to mine"?
"A scientology doc awaiting and a lovely bottle of wine"
She maybe the special one, the one I've been waiting for all my life
Maybe the one that will eventually become my wife
An hour into our evening and all is going great
Then she tells me she needs the loo, "I think it's something I ate"
Off she went to the toilet to do a number two
But she encountered a problem with a floating poo
"I've made a slight error I feel a bit of a fool"
"I tried throwing out the window a rogue floating stool"
But the turd didn't go it landed between panes
And it all went wrong when we tried to retrieve these remains
She said "As I'm a gymnast I'll reach and grab the crap"
We managed to get the poo out, the window now became her trap
15 minutes upside-down, I panicked and rang the fire brigade
They came within minutes and released her from this charade
I appreciate a toilet more than ever before, it was an important poo
I now raise money for 3rd world countries to have access to a flushing loo
I also learnt a few things from this Tinder date
1stly she's not the one for me
2ndly a diet of low fibre high fat will create a floater
3rdly Don't throw excrement out of windows.
© Robin Welsh
All animal lovers down in Southend
Began to gasp with shock and amazement
At what seemed a hoax or entertainment
When a python emerged from round the bend.
But on lifting the seat not to offend
A snake is not part of the arrangement
Stubborn disbelief causing resentment
For the young boy involved did not pretend.
Still the snake catcher arrived most promptly
To confirm the facts from expert training;
Travelling upwards from the sewer below
A harmless serpent most definitely
In search of freedom after escaping,
Scaring a lad who just wanted to go.
© David Subacchi
David lives in Wales where he was born of Italian roots. He studied at the University of Liverpool and has five published collections of poetry.
He writes in English, Welsh and Italian.