Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Sell By 19 16

A lush called Hennessy who owns a pistol
Once told me discreetly
That if you piss hard enough through your ears
You will die.
Defecating through the teeth, though gag-inducing,
Brings no such balm.

The pundits predicted the outcome,
Their brass balls shone, epaulets stiff,
Upper lips bared, diverse accents amplified,
Each gorged with opinion, each perfectly,
Perfectly wrong.
Every time.

Barely five seconds into the post-battle commentary
The presenter evacuated
A terminal platitude. Or laxative.
Aah! Good old 19 16 exposed again.
Know how to win/battle of the hill/blanket defense.
Two point game/of two halves/died a death/hunting in packs.

A lush called Hennessy who owns a pistol,
Seeking unlicensed repeaters,
Will probe the door of your darkened room where
He will peacefully invite you join with
Your panels’ carcass in

© Noel Loftus

Author's note: The context here is that Mayo beat Dublin 19 16 on Sunday and one commentator could not resist the dodgy connection ... Easter Rising etc. All newspapers/commentators got it wrong and backed Dublin.

This is a comment on how platitudes have saturated sports punditry and commentary, panels are old and tired, and I hereby invite one particular Irish GAA panel, to a party with a difference.

Tribal passion rocks the stands as Mayo set up All-Ireland final clash with Donegal

Noel Loftus is a fellow member of ward9writers from Mayo in the west of Ireland. In his forties, he is married, with two children, and currently works as a buyer for a safety supplies company.