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Thursday, 19 April 2012

Hydrangea Rage

Her hydrangea overhangs his garden,
blocks the sun from his tomato plants.
So he prunes the offending shrub and she
is enraged, calls him a menace—
amongst other, unmentionable things.
She is 87 years old, like Mildred,
who, when I urge her to do
the prescribed voice exercises,
tells me to fuck off, but doesn’t mean it.
Saturday afternoon with Mildred,
Ms. Hydrangea’s story crops up
on public radio news trivia. The incident
made national news in Britain. The neighbors
say they are fed up with the shrubbery
of ill-mannered pensioners
barging big, old-fashioned, blue heads
into other people's gardens, stealing
the very sunlight. Surely, they say,
those hydrangeas had it coming.

© Cleveland Wall

Grandmother in court after going potty because a neighbour trimmed her plant
Cleveland Wall is a poet, actor, and mail artist from Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Her work has appeared in Schuylkill Valley Journal, Möbius magazine, and online in New Purlieu Review. Twitter: @clevelandwall


  1. Some people are finding it difficult to leave comments. I have no sure-fire solution, but you might try leaving them anonymously. This seems to work for some.

  2. I guess if Mildred can say 'fuck off' her voice is being exercised!
    Hydrangeas are space fillers, not for real gardeners are they, not nearly as pretty as tomatoes.
    By the way, I reckon tomatoes grow better where the hydrangeas are red! Acid soil?

    1. Can't we all just get a lawn?

      Kidding! I love hydrangeas AND tomatoes.

      re: "I guess if Mildred can say 'fuck off' her voice is being exercised!"

      True enough! :D