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Friday, 16 September 2011

Probably one of the only sonnets written about sausage ...

They held auditions by the back field fencing.
I’d never done this kind of thing before.
But something had to change.  I was pig-ugly –
And running out of pig-luck, I was sure.

I grasped the chance for this with both my trotters.
Had been rehearsing day and night.  My piece?
A bit from something I had read by Orwell
About farm animals who want release.

I couldn’t take it in when they said, ‘Porky!
You’re in the Tesco advert, mate.  Well done!’
And wandering round the field with cameras on me ….
My new career as Piggy Depp begun!
But now they’ve pulled the ad.  I’m piggin' shaken.
I’ll end up, not as TV star, but bacon.

© Fran Hill

Tesco sausage advert banned for misleading consumers
Fran lives in the West Midlands (UK). She teaches English in a local secondary school, writes, performs, blogs, tweets and tries to resist chocolate.


  1. Thank you for the smile this put on my face, especially with final shaken/ bacon couplet!

    This immediately brought to mind Roald Dahl’s ‘The Pig’, which, thanks to the context provided by the sausage sonnet, I also got pleasure out of reading again after a long time. For anyone else interested in prolonging the pleasure of piggy-humour for another minute or so, it’s online at:


  2. It made me smile too; very wittily done. Thanks to Bavo too for the ‘link’ (sorry it must be catching!).

  3. Bavo - ah, an English teacher's dream - someone who gets inspired to read something else!

    Little Nell - thank you! Glad you liked it.

  4. They pulled the ad? Well, that just makes me feel pig-sick.

  5. Steve - That's a poor sign. (This piggy-punning could just go on and on. I love it.)

  6. Porky , you're not ugly . Hefty , yes . A bit in need of a spa-day and a new manager , certainly .
    But you've already inspired newspaper columns and a sonnet . This is just the start .

  7. And in praise of probably the best sonnet about sausage in the world: bravo!

  8. Loved your sonnet! I have to tell you a TRUE sausage story: My friend & I went out to breakfast at a restaurant we'd been to before. My friend doesn't like spicy food & she remembered there was a difference between the link & the patty sausage--one was spicier than the other but she couldn't remember which. She asked the waitress what the difference was between the link & the patty sausage. She was told the patty was shaped like a hamburger & the link was long & thin. My friend ordered bacon. I'm sure the waitress told people she had a customer who was so stupid she didn't know the difference between a link & a patty!

  9. SmitandSon - loved your comment. As will Porky.

    hausfrau - I am deliberately not googling 'other sonnets about sausage' to make sure I can still claim to have written the only one.

    fishducky - your story was very entertaining. But I'm very hurt that you should even suggest that mine wasn't true ....

  10. I missed this Fran - excellent stuff. (Poor piggy).

    Anna :o]

  11. Hyper - poor piggy indeed. Born to be baconed.