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Saturday, 1 October 2011

A Capitalist Christmas Song

Author's note: Sung, of course, to the tune of ‘Deck the Halls . . .’

Hail! The annual bourgeois spendfest!
– ching-a-ching-a-ching, the cash tills ring –
Time to bloat your children’s toy chest!
– ching-a-ching-a-ching, the cash tills sing –

Hark! You’ll hear now
Christmas ditties;
– jing-a-ling, have a sing, while you shop –
In the mood for
yuletide pretties?
– jing-a-ling-a-ling, so buy the lot –

Hit the mall and grab a trolley!
– ching-a-ching-a-ching, you’re welcome in –
Tis the time to spend your lolly!
– ching-a-ching-a-ching, see Santa grin –

A.T.M. won’t
give more cash out?
– boo-hoo-hoo! What to do? Tell you what . . . –
Punch your pin and
max your card out!
– ching-a-ching-a-ching, we’ll take the lot –

Hear the Sally Army playing.
– boom-de-rum-te-bum, de-dum-crash-tum! –
“Pennies for the poor,” they’re saying.
– boom-a-bang-a-thrum, de-too-tle-tum! –

Salve your conscience
with some copper
– rat-a-tat, look at that, fifty p! –
But spend your pounds in here, dear shopper!
Thank God we’re free!

© Anthony Baverstock

Holidays Arrive Early With The "Christmas ...
Anthony Baverstock is from Colchester, reputed home of Humpty-Dumpty.


  1. Oh so so so true. I begin to loath the yuletide season more and more each year. We gave Oxfam gifts (where you provide mosquito nets etc) one year, and got complaints from certain quarters about being mean!!!

    Love the poem I think I may print it out and put it up on a wall at home, if you don't mind?

  2. I don't mind at all, Charlotte. I'd be chuffed if you did!