Last week we asked for your topical nursery rhymes, and waited with bated breath. Sing a song of £4.99? Three mice with visual impairments?
... and waited. Then I had a go...
little Jack Horner,
sat in a corner
eating his five a day
not like his sis
who was so obese
they filmed her for a Channel 5 documentary...
Then we got this cracker from Fran Hill, which was so topical we stole it and used it for Wednesday's post.
And so, our favourite entries:
The Riddle of the Outrider
I gallop, we gallop, "For freedom!" we cry,
a hundred-and-seventy horses and I.
We ride through the kingdom of sabres and palm,
just doing the shopping and spreading alarm,
defying the princes to toss us in jail,
we're bearing the standard and blazing a trail.
So jump in your saddle and spur on your steed,
we'll gallop together and start a stampede!
Who am I?
© Anthony Baverstock
If you didn't work out the answer came from another entry:
There was a young lady from Saudi
Who wanted to drive her own Audi,
She tooted her horn
And she was reborn.
And the rest of the world shouted 'How'dy!'
© Brenda Bryant/Rinkly Rimes
Then we put out the call on Twitter, and here's what we got in response... not bad in 140 characters or less...
Hey diddle diddle,
the chav's on the fiddle,
unemployment is over the moon
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children and they're all paid for by you.
Rockabye baby in the tree top,
I'd get us a house when the mortgage rates drop.
The Grand Old Duke of York,
He had 10,000 men,
He marched them out on the search for oil
and straight to Afghanistan.
The Grand Ol Duke of York.
He had 10,000 men.
But not enough equipment or supplies
to send up the hill with them.
Little Miss Muffet, in an apartment,
Shooting her meth in her veins,
She felt all these spiders,
crawling inside her
So she scratched her skin all away!
Jack Sprat could eat no fat,
his wife could eat no lean.
And so betwixt the two of them,
they made a Quorn tagine
Four and Twenty Blackbirds baked in a pie.
Then add some balsamic vinegar
and chopped thyme, whack it in the oven, Pukka!
Simple Simon met a pieman,
Going to the fair;
Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
is your pastry Gluten Free?
Jack & Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
YOU could help a child like Jack or Jill
by sponsoring 5p a day
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
but failed to carry out a comprehensive Health & Safety risk assessment
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty was very safe
as health & safety stipulated
a harness & helmet be worn
Humpty Dumpty sprayed on a wall
used his iPhone to YouTube it all...
hey diddle diddle
the banks are on the fiddle
Hey Diddle diddle the cat played the fiddle
and Simon Cowell booked him there and then
Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,
kissed the girls and made them sue ...
When the boys came out to play,
Georgie Porgie kissed them too.
Georgie Porgie, Puddin' and Pie,
Crashed into snappy snaps when he was high
Polly put the kettle on,
Polly put the kettle on,
we'll all have tea.
I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME YOU BASTARD!
Editor's note: The winner of our first 'Saturday Challenge' will be announced in our Sunday Editorial, tomorrow, 26th June.